How to survive in Midsomer
1) If you have no reason to move there. Then Don't!
2) If you have family there, wit a couple of years. I, after a couple of years, none of them have been bumped off, then it may be safe.
3) Join the police. They seem to remain unscathed
4) Never go to a village fete
5) Never go to a rowing regatta or cricket match
6) Avoid walking down country roads on your own in the middle of the night.
7) If you find yourself walking down a country road on your own in the middle of the night and you see some car headlights, then run! For God's sake Run!
8) Never go to a medievel fayre
9) Make sure your will doesn't leave anything to any resident of Midsomer
10) Move away. Iraq may have better survival prospects

... anyone else want something from the shop?

{What did you think I was gonna say, you disgusting lot}