I've just gone Firefox. It's kinda cool. And I got to change my home page. And its underlining my spelling mistakes! (Yes yes I know. I've made a mistake.)

Anyway. I'm off out tonight. Just polished my shoes and about to Tux up.

Ten points for anyone who spots me on Telly

I was watching the news and was impressed by this article

A US television news presenter refused to lead her bulletin with the latest Paris Hilton story, then screwed up, shredded and attempted to set fire to the script on air.

Mika Brzezinski, co-presenter of MSNBC's Morning Joe programme, refused to read out the story of the celebrity socialite's release from jail ahead of items on Iraq and developments at the White House.

In a scene reminiscent of Paddy Chayefsky's classic film Network, it shows Ms Brzezinski repeatedly refusing to read the Hilton script and arguing with her co-presenters about its place as the lead item.

She told viewers: 'I hate it and I don't think it should be our lead.'

Hasn't the news gone doolally if an item about Paris Hilton is the top story... above bombs in Iraq.
And in this country, what with car bombs in London, we can still be celebrity obsessed. Rightfully, the car bomb news is top story in the papers!!! But I cant help wondering if this is because the Celebs havent done anything newsworthy of late. I wonder how the celebs feel about that. No Paris Hilton on the front Page?

One Paper had the lead question..... "Where is the next bomb?"

Perhaps Paris Hilton will wear one just to get back on the front page! (And will anyone miss her?)

I was outcast but now I have returned to the fold.

And it's all thanks to the man with skills of biblical proportions, the Mighty AJ. He managed to find out what was wrong. Apparently the cheeky fairies that live in the magic box on the wall put a magic spell on my silver typrewriter so thst when it spoke all that came out were 'Moo' noises. But AJ waved his mighty weapon and slayed slew the fairies and sent them to them back to the magic Faraway Tree (which I think was in Ireland).

Actually, he used other words, but I am pretty sure thats what he meant

Did anybody miss me?

Writing this at work under cover of ...er... the fact that no-one comes near me anyway.

I can't blog at home for some reason. My computers wont let me.

I will be thinking of you all when i am trying hard to understand why its not working.

Maybe one day I will return.

HELP!

Amanda is my favourite Twin
By CJ

Amanda is my favourite twin
She is so pink and bubbly
And if I could work out which is which
Then it will be Luvverly Jubbly

That's it! After watching tonights Doctor Who, I have decided that I am definietly a Time Lord.

That is the only way I can explain why no-one at work talks to me... they can't see through my perception filter!

It's not that they don't like me after all

I am a little suspicious now. I have been reading reports that Scary Spice has had a DNA test from her daughter to see if Eddie Murphy is really the father. And it appears he is! And now he has to pay £10million in child support. That actually sounds like an awful lot of money.

And then I read anotehr report that all of the Spice girls are going to get £10million pounds each. Is this really because they are reforming..... or have they found out that Eddie Murphy is actually the father of all the Spice Babies!

Don't tell David!

I'm off out tonight with my mate. And have we got a lot to catch up on!

And I dont have to go back to school until Thursday.

It's Thursday night, so I got bathed and dressed and headed out for my weekly dancefest. Only to find it had been cancelled! Of course I didnt go last week to find out. SO I am at home blogging

And th Big Bother news of the night, Ziggy has dumped Chanelle, this is after reports that last night Ziggy got Jiggy! C4 have denied it but the bookies have paid out!

But it's not the Zigyy Chaniggy moves that impressed me, it's what Liam did to Amanda that I was impressed with.

Liam entertained Sam and Amanda with magic tricks this afternoon.
The tree surgeon was praised as a magician by the twins as he seemed to make small objects disappear and then reappear.

And if I hd the opportunity I would make a small object disappear and reappear with Amanda too

"Where did it go?" asked Sam, as she checked both sides of his hands.

You're looking in the wrong place love!

After making objects reappear she asked: "Can you make my best friend appear?"

I dont see why not, he made his best friend disappear and reapear!

I must say, Amanda is by far my most favourite twin..... Now which one is she again?

As most of you know, I am a red dwarf fan (as are some of you) and this is one of my favourite quotes

CAT: What? Am I the only sane one here? Why don't we drop the defensive shields?
KRYTEN: A superlative suggestion, sir, with just two minor flaws. One, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we don't have any defensive shields. Now I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice.

In fact, I tend to use a variation of it at work, like I did yesterday. There is a naughty boy in my class that I asked to move. When he said 'Why?' I replied. "For two reasons. 1) Because I said so and 2) because I said so. Now I know technically that is the same point, but I thought it was so important I thought it worth mentioning twice"

he then shut up and did what I said.

After reading this news item today it got me thinking

Card fraud 'is not investigated'

The government has been accused of "effectively decriminalising" routine credit card fraud, after new rules were introduced in England and Wales.
After the changes, fraud complaints are now handled by banks, which now decide whether to refer them to the police.

If it's going to be the policy to report crimes to public places instead of the police, where else should you report other crimes?

Perhaps fiddling the books should be reported to a library, car theft to be reported to the local Renault Garage or even prostitution to be reported to 'Madame Whiplash'
Soon the police will be made redundant... however I can imagine that there will be plenty of openings in the sperm donor business!

... now that Liam has been given £100,000 by the three nominees, I am gonna fight for him myself.

I need a new car.

After my rather cantankerous meeting re job, I came home and was a little bit more cantankerous with a Cold Caller. A bank decided to try and sell me Health insurance, and I let them try. The poor guy sounded quite young and a bit inexperienced. He started off telling me about the product and I was like 'ooh yes that sounds good' and then half way through he started to stumble and hesitate. "You don't normally get this far, do you?" I teased. He laughed. Then he carried on a bit more, trying to sound quite jovial- even though he was talking about cancer and serious illness. "And we will give you a lump sum for you to spend however you want, you can buy a car or go on holiday...."He said quite cheerily... and then her realised what he was trying to sell me and added (in a more sombre tone) ".. to help you through this terrible time" Pause. "How do you feel about that?" I have to admit I did laugh at him a bit at that point

I then told him that the package sounded good but it was not as thorough as the one I already have. And he stumbled a goodbye.

Ain't I a stinker

I saw this and thought of you

Today has been warm. And now the grey clouds have come and the weather is muggy. It is still warm.

And now my ears are popping and I have a headache.

There be a storm a coming and no mistake. Mark my words

So what should the caption be?

"Ziggy is so wet, that Chanelle had to wear a swimming hat"

The Kinder surprise egg. Surprise? You must be kiddin. Inside the litle egg there is a little toy. Thats not much of a surprise.

You want a real surprise, fill it with slugs!

So it is sunday, and it is time for my weekly rank. I SAID RANK!

Warning a big brother post!

Since last week we have dropped one (oo-er) as Shabnam became the first evictee. But she wil be fine as long as she gets her deals And four new bids have entered. Billi the model- and I suppose someone has to model welding masks, Jonathan the old codge with the massive wadge, Liam a tree surgeon and Brian who seems to be a bit dim.

But what about the all important ranking.... (in brackets is last weeks position)

at number 1 (3) for me is Nicky. I still enjoy her stressy arguments over cooking and food. I think she has her heart in the reight place and is kee for everyone to get a good meal. Shame not everyone has the same thoughts.

IN second place is Tracey (1) who is still a good HM, but is not getting a lot of airing on the highlihgts shows. Hope there is more from her soon

In 3rd is Carole (2) who is also doing a great job at being a mummy but still showing that he has a fun side.

At 4 is Gerry, who I have been quite impressed with so far. Still early days though.

At 5 and 6 are the twins (4 and 5). Still cant tell them apart. I can see that there is a difference, but if they are not standing next to each other then I have no idea. Luckily they are never apart. I love the way they look bemused, like, all the time.

at 7 its...... Charley! (9) she is a nightmare and in the real world I would have murdered her by now, but she is more entertaining than most.

at 8 its Liam (New entry). Nothin from him yet, but he looks good.

at 9 it's Jonathan (New Entry) good that a normal looking old guy is in. He reminds me of Chris Moyles. However his wealth may attract more people. Loved the way that the other HM's tried to get him together with Carole straight away.

at 10 it's Chanelle (11) I am hoping that she will ditch Ziggy soon. There should be more fun from her. Go for one of the others, get Ziggy Jealous

At 11 it's Laura (6). Where the hell has she gone? I was expecting more from her. More arguments please and more picking on Ziggy.

at 12 it's Seany (10). He has an awful sense of style, and is quite irritating for the most part. His hair is getting more bizarre, but he does have an interesting relationship with Gerry that's worth keeping an eye on.

At 13 it's Ziggy (12). He is still irritating me. Still cant stand the way he dominates Chanelle and acts like he is the alpha male. And he is only ahead of the other two because I hevent seen much of them yet.

At 14 it's Brian. HE claims his is 19, but we both thought he was over 40! I caught some live footage on Friday night and he sounds so dense. He even made the twins sound intelligent!

At 15 it's the Silliest hair in there. Billi. He cant even spell his own name right. Vain, Vacuous, a model apparently. And stop wearing your sunglasses inside... it makes you look pretentious!

There you go. I wonder how the new boys will cope with Charley.

KEEP CHARLEY IN!

Sunday morning and we had a nice lie in this morning, after getting in at 12:15am last night.
The show was very very good. Alistair McGowan was excellent as the sadistic dentist (even though its hard to picture anyone except Steve Martin in the role). I especially enjoyed the 'Now (its just the gas)' song- which wasnt in the film. Hysterical stuff. Sheridan Smith and Paul Keating were also excellent as the hapless Audrey and Seymour, but as you'd expect, the big plant was the star of the show (voiced by Mike McShane of 'Who's line is it anyway' fame). Great tunes, great acting- also from the three singers, and an unexpected ending!!! Good stuff all round.

click the image to visit sexy plant dot com!

Now I'm not particularly tall, nor short. But there was a young kid with an extremely loud mouth behind me when I sat down. And the first thing I heard him say (loudly) was 'Oh now I can't see' so there was the huge kerfuffle behind as he swapped places with his sister so that he was behind an empty seat. And then a really tall man came and sat in that seatD and boy did he moan again. 'I'm gonna have to stand up all the way through.' Actually I felt sorry for the tall man as he looked a little bit embarrassed. But I blame the noisy Northern kid! Not very discrete.

And back to this morning. And we watched last night's Doctor Who! Wow, what a cliffhanger! And the Master is back! (Did anyone doubt it?). And what a great way to bring all the ideas together, except there are a few things that don't make sense. Why did Professor Yana call himself that? I get the idea the YANA was taken from the words You ae not alone, but how did the Master know what the Face of Boe Said? And wasn't the Master sucked into the eye of Harmony in the Tardis? Perhaps it will tie up at some time in the future, like so many elements did last night! But what a show. Woohoo! And I say keep John Simm as the Master. What a Coup!

Enough said. I've got to try and write a 1-2 page application for an internal post. I can see an increase in font size coming up. And how can I sound enthusiastic about a position when I am not convinced it's a good idea? And do I want to enslave myself to a position that may not be all I want it to be? Any suggestions?

All dressed up? Check
Tickets? check
Video set for Doctor Who? Check
And we are all set for 'The little Shop of Horrors'. Weedkiller at the ready.

(I didnt need the dentist soon did I?)

We were just watching the end of 8 out of 10 cats ready for the next session of big brother...... and what do we think of the new housemates? IS Billi the worst thing ever? SILLY HAIR SILLY HAIR SILL HAIR!.

Anyway we saw an advert for the friday night project with Sharon Osborne and my OH said "That sharon used to have loads of weight. fat and frumpy"
I replied "Yes she's had work done"
OH: "Yes, she had a band put in"
Me: "What, like Queen? I wondered where they went? And they said Freddie Mercury died. So thats what the song 'I want to break free' was about"

... this month goos to Big Brothers very own Charley because of this....

Charley has told Nicky that she thinks Ziggy is rude and constantly snaps at people when they talk to him.

Can you believe it?

She said she doesn't like how he answers "what" and often says: "What did you say?" Charley told Nicky that she thought he was being particularly rude to her.

I often can't understand a word she says. She speaks too quickly and contradicts herself. And, she always ends a criticism with 'only joking' when she is clearly not!

However, Nicky offered a higher opinion of the producer: "He doesn't mean it in a rude way." She said she had at first thought the same thing as Charley but now thinks it's just a harmless character trait.

I like Nicky

Charley agreed that she might be taking Ziggy's remarks the wrong way and said: "I reckon out of here I would have gotten along with him."

Yes and together the two of you can fly off on those winged pigs and join Chanelle in a and of Utopia.

As you may have guessed, I am in tonight... I have not gone dancing! And the reason is not because I was unwell yesterday.

Because today my OH had her hospital appointment. It was an outpatients appt, but it was still worrying for her. She had to go in early and have an angiogram, which involved having something inserted up her groin. She is OK, but she needs looking after for a day or two, just in case something the size of an egg appears on he groin. And we wouldnt want anything huge and embarrassing appearing anywhere near her groin! So I am here with her to make sure she is okay.

But apparently this angiogram is not the end. She will have to go to Brighton to get a thing placed in her artery. Why Brighton? Becase apparently Hastings hospital hasnt got a licence to do the operation!

After quite a stressful day, which I will blog about later, I came home only to find that I couldnt log into anything.
I sent an SOS to Sminchin who kindly said hello to you all from me, just in case I was left out in the cold for ever.
And the A knight in shining Plymouth came to my rescue. Stupid computery thing downloaded updates and it made my internet explorer go Kerplunk! But thanks to some great advice, I reset the system to yesterday.... and it really felt like I was flying back in time. There were wibbly lines and everything.

And now I am back. I can log on and everything. I wonder if everything went back in time?

So can I ask? What day is it?

By the Old-Spice Girls

Let me tell you what you want, what you really really want
I'll tell you what I wants what I really really want
I wanna I wanna I wanna I wanna bitta Ziggy Shag hah!

If you wanna win Big Brother
You gotta get with Chanelle
When they lock the bathroom
Tracey starts to smell
Shabnam wears bad makeup
And Charley's just a slag
So if you wanna win Big Brother
Chanelle's the one to shag!

.. that I totally missed out on the numpty awards.

I tell ya, there's a village missing it's idiot somewhere

Here is a new entry or the baby competition.

My entry into the baby competition.
I have had a hair cut since then though

A baby competition? Is the prize a real baby?

After readin Sminchins post a while ago about the new Take That Stage musical... and how much the cast dont look like the boys, I was wondering if there could be other famous groups that could be cast badly.

See here is my casting for my stage show 'The Carpernters: The Musical'

I think it will be a hit