So why did the chicken cross the road?

All the other chickens crossed the road and this one didn't want to appear different.

All chickens cross roads sometimes and since there were lots of chickens around it was just a matter of time before some chicken crossed the road and this chicken was the one.

Because it felt like it.

Because it needed the exercise.

Because it wished to avoid meeting the chicken it saw approaching.

Because that's what chickens do.

God ordained from the time of Creation that this chicken should come into the world and should cross the road exactly when it did.

Having spent days and nights searching its soul the chicken finally decided that it had to cross the road and did so.

It all depends on what is meant by "chicken", "road" and "cross".

It got bored.

It had a death wish.

It had already crossed the road 999 times that day and wanted to make it 1000.

It had always been intending to and finally decided today was the day.

It saw the rooster on the other side and wanted to get laid.

It wanted a change of scenery.

It wanted to be famous.

It wanted to catch the bus into town.

It wanted to show it was not a chicken.

It wanted to show it was a mean mother-fuckin' chicken.

It was a very confused chicken.

It was caught by a freak gust of wind.

It was collecting experiences for its next book.

It was part of a chicken conga line which happened to be crossing the road.

It was trying out its new pair of roller blades on the asphalt.

It was trying to find its roots.

None of the other chickens crossed the road and this chicken wanted to be different.

The chicken crossed the road because it was daydreaming and did not notice it.

The chicken had just had its head chopped off.

The chicken had prayed fervently all night and at dawn Jehovah had told it to cross the road, and the chicken crossed the road, and Jehovah saw, and saw that it was good, and saith unto the chicken, Verily, thou art a rock of Chickrael.

The chicken was looking for love.

The chicken was running late and took a short cut.

The chicken was trying to make a difference.

The light turned green.

The Moon became conjunct with the chicken's natal Mars in its fourth house.

The other chickens dared it to.

The other chickens told it to piss off.

The Spirit moved it.

The time had arrived for this chicken to cross this road.

This chicken inherited genes predisposing it to cross roads.
This was a Mormon chicken and it was setting out on its mission.

To get to the other side.

Why not?

All events in the chicken's entire life are fixed in 4-dimensional spacetime and the chicken could not have done anything else at that time (as we see things from within ordinary experience) than what it did; the chicken crossed the road because the chicken's crossing the road has been part of the eternally fixed microstructure of the 4-d block universe from the moment of its creation.

It was helping to stamp out bugs.

It was bearing the white chicken's burden.

It was fulfilling its Manifest Destiny.

It was doing God's work.

It was helping to make the world safe for chickocracy.

It was just following orders.

It just did.

I had to go into work today to see what the state of pay is. There are yet more delays. So it looks as if we wont be getting Redundancy notices until well into week after next
There is a problem with one law which may or may not apply, the problem being of theyt decide to go ahead without applying it, the new company are liable for anymember of staff suing them in the future, but if the law is applied, it means we go back to the 'merger scenario' and no-one gets made redundant yet. It's all a mess really. Hopefully they will sort it out before the endof next week as staff are depending on these notice letters and are wanting to sign new contracts.
A bit of good news. I checked my bacnk account today and we got paid this month! So it is August now to worry about and then the P45 issues for September.
I got my new timetable for next year. It's depressing I really didnt want to leave my old job.
I had a nice lunch with C, we have been working together in these meetings- we have become a bit of a double act. She thinks I am mad! how did she come to that conclusion???
I didnt sleep well last night, I started worrying about the whole job business. And now I feel tired and a bit down.

Still it is eviction night, perhaps if I am lucky Pete and Richard will go

Hunch and Boobie: The modern day puppet show

Part 3
Hunch is in the Dock. The Judge is there
Judge: Hunch you are charged with actual bodily harm, and destroying police property by willingly running in front of a bullet that had been accidentally shot in a different direction. How do you plead?
Hunch: Like this. Don’t send me down, please. Pleeeeease.
Judge: Please call the witnesses for the prosecution
Policeman: Calling Batman
Batman enters
Batman: That’s the man that attacked me
Policeman: Calling Spiderman
Spiderman enters
Spiderman: that’s the man that attacked me
Policeman: Calling John Prescott
Nothing happens
Policeman: Sorry John can’t be here, His Jags have broken down. Calling Boobie
Boobie: Hello you’re highness. Hunch seduced me last night and had his wicked, wicked way. He’s a wicked, wicked man!
Judge: It’s obvious you are guilty. You will be sentenced for execution immediately.
Hunch: But what about my defence?
Judge: Okay bring in the witness for the defence
Enter Chavella
Chavella: ‘ere I know you, Judge. You’re the father of my baby
Judge: Chipolata, is that you?
Chavell: Yes Big Gavel, it’s me. And baby Charmaine Chardennay Aleesha Ford Orion is yours.
Judge: It’s like a family reunion. Hunch you are free to leave.
Hunch: Right. I’m off. This family is dis-functional.

The End

Hunch and Boobie: The modern day puppet show

Part 2
Enter Batman
Hunch: Hello, who are you?
Batman: I’m from fathers for Justice and that’s my baby.
Hunch: Is that true?
Chavella: Dunno. Could be.
Batman: I have come for my baby
Hunch: You can’t have the baby
Hunch fights Batman and Batman leaves
Enter Spiderman
Hunch: Hello, who are you?
Spiderman: I’m from fathers for Justice and that’s my baby.
Hunch: Is that true?
Chavella shrugs and continues to file her nails
Spiderman: I have come for my baby
Hunch: You can’t have the baby
Hunch fights Spiderman and Spiderman leaves
Enter John Prescott
Hunch: Hello, who are you?
John: I’m from the government and that’s my baby.
Hunch: Is that true?
Chavella: No way. He’s minging
John: I have come for my baby
Hunch: You can’t have the baby
Hunch fights John and John leaves
Enter Policeman
Hunch: You are not having the baby
Hunch starts to fight the Policeman. Several Police Gunmen appear and shoot Hunch down.

Hunch and Boobie: The modern day puppet show

Part 1
Enter Hunch
Hunch: Hello boys and girls, my name is Hunch and this is Boobie
Boobie: Hello boys and girls. My name is Boobie because I have had enhancements done and Hunch is my boyfriend
Hunch: Oh no I’m not.
Boobie: Oh yes you are
Hunch: No I’m not. We only met last night when you put Rohypnol in my drink and I ended up in bed with you.
Boobie: A one-night stand is practically an engagement in my family. And talking of my family, this is my daughter Chavella and she is thirteen.
Chavella: Can I have £50 mum?
Boobie: And this is my son Asbo, he is ten.
Asbo: F*** off
Hunch: And look at the little baby. Hello little baby. Is it yours Boobie?
Boobie: No way. That’s Chav’s. Now I’m off to the supermarket, Hunch. D’you think you can look after the children?
Hunch: I don’t see why I should
Boobie: Okay boys and girls, will you watch Hunch look after my kids? If anything happens all you have to do is shout out “Boobie” and I will ignore you, Okay?
Exit Boobie