So what do you remember about your teachers, in one word! Try to think of one word taht reminds you of a subject teacher you had. (I will not get offended)

Maths Teacher: Smelly
Enlgish Teacher: Smoker
Science Teacher: Bastard
Woodwork teacher: Fingerless
Art Teacher: Fit
PE Teacher: Sadist
Language Teacher: uninterpretable
Humanities Teacher: Waffler

addendum.

I wonder if Big G's blog is blocked because of the word corruption in the title?
And I wonder if mine is blocked because of the word 'Enter' in the title?

Hmmmm.......

I am not a Lawyer. I do not understand legal Guff and most of it bores the pants off me. So why oh why have I had to spend the last 2 hours wading through tonnes of Legal paper documents and reports. It's Paper this with section that and subsection the other with specific reference to clause don't-give-a-flying-fuchia!
Oh the life of a representative.
It's too nice a day to be sitting indoors investigating the bitter problems of sampling. I want to be outside causing problems and sampling bitter!

I want to read Graemphilips new question of the day but the webmarshall won't let me in! haha I have found another blog which has unsuitable content like mine. Hey Big G, welcome to the Potty Mouth club!

Ok I want a cure for a blocked nose.

Any good ones?
Any Bad ones?
Any silly ones?

It has been a shocking day.
Firstly one of my little Monte Christons has been playing up. She was leaving today and she was gonna cause as much mischief as possible. I suppose this is gonna happen now until the end!

I then had to cover a Music lesson. It was year 8 and they had to practise a Morris Dance tune. It helped me practise my Piano playing skills. But it took ages to get the tune out of my head.

Then I had a meeting with the HM. I think she was playing for a bit of sympathy, 'cos she started complaining of a tummy ache, but she got none from me! Perhaps I should have started rubbing my wallet and complained of a 'being thrown out of my job' ache. (Ps More on that later)

It was also the year nine team building day, so I watched them mess up building a raft for a while. I think they were worried about sinking, but after watching Lost I told them they should be more worried that the Others would come along and kidnap one of them!
I watched Lost last night, that Black Smoke thing confronted Eko! What was that about? I liked the connection with the plane from the first series though, I thought that was clever!

At the end of the day we had a meeting with a lawyer. I had to take the minutes. I hate taking minutes. I write too slowly so I try to rush it then I can hardly understand what I've written and then I find I've missed something important. But still the meeting was interesting. But something irritated me. I remember several weeks ago I found out that my payout would be more than I thought, well I got an official letter today and it has dropped again. I am so annoyed about it. I am going to sort that out tomorrow.

And now for an update: I have another interview looming. For a job starting in January. And it is a Head of Maths! There may be a chance if getting my position back! More details when they come!

English is a crazy language...
Taken from Dyslexia.com

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple; English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.

My head is pounding... and it's not due to drink...HONEST!
I have caught a summer cold (Actually being a typical bloke I should be saying that I am dying of flu). It must be a mix of the change of weather and my hay fever. This weather change has been dramatic. I had my heating on last night when only a few nights before I had my Air Con on!

Did anyone see the Kids Buckingham Palace show? I caught the end with the Superfrickingfrolickhocusextrahalitosis song. And the queen came out at the end. I saw Prince Philip chatting to Ronnie Corbett, who was looking like an Oompa Lumpa. I was kinda expecting him to be saying "Didn't we fight you lot in Ghana?"
(Talking of Ghana- they play Brazil today. Fingers crossed for a Brazil win)

And then the Queen made her speech. Both my OH and I were willing her to say "Thank you. I do like a warm hand on my entrance", but she never did.
And now I have just read the BBC news. Over 80 people complained about the opening of the show, when Huw Edwards said, in a news Bulletin, that there had been dramatic events at Buckingham Palace! OK I can understand that some people might get anxious, especially after the Underground Bombings, but you would have thought they would have relaxed a little when the reporter interviewed Ronnie Corbett dressed as Buttons 1 minute later! Sheesh!

This is the first media file I have uploaded. Its a clip from the Take That concert

I apologise for the singing you can hear. thats me

Another Poem by CJ- Oh My God make them stop!

The Invigilator
By CJ

I’m sitting at my desk and I’m twiddling my thumbs
I shift around the seat in case my buttocks start to numb
And in my head I calculate imaginary sums
As I look for things to do until the next replacement comes.
I hope she isn’t late as I have a place to be.
Invigilation grates, and the boredom gets to me.
And I start to squirm around and I hope no-one can see.
That I’m sitting with my legs crossed ‘cos I really need a wee.

It's Sunday night and I have had a relaxing evening. Which is nice after the long night I had last night.
Talking of last night There are a couple of people I would quite like to mention. Thanks to the Tall Smoking girl who pushed her way just in front of us just before it the show started and obscured our view. And then thanks for blowing cigarette smoke in our faces. We really appreciated you! And thanks to the girl behind who phoned her friend every song to give an account of what was happening- was it really necessary??????

Thankfully Doctor Who recorded last night; I really didn’t want to miss it. it was a strange one- a similar look to the episode The Idiots Lantern. but the preview for the final episodes looked good. Aaaargh. They are gonna Kill Rose off! NOOOO!!!! When my OH saw the end with the Olympic torch she said "This has more cheese than a four cheese pizza" Maybe she was right

And England are through to the Quarter finals after a 1-0 win over Ecuador. And what a goal! From a Beckham free kick- it was a fine bender which went straight into the corner of the net! The rest of the game was crap though! And next we play Portugal. Gadzooks Kiki!

And at the moment we are watching Most Haunted live. I wonder what mysterious object they have locked in the safe. We are supposed to use our psychic powers to guess deduct what it is. Using my powers I think the object is a Sponge Bob doll. I wonder if I'm right? Should I call in and tell them? And they are 'linking' with a maid who was pregnant by the master of the house. Why do these shows never have normal maids? All the maids they 'link' with have been made pregnant by the Master of the house and then ends up dead after mysterious circumstances!

I must go now, I am receiving a psychic image of a producer making lots of money from text callers. Hmmm, I wonder what that means.

OKAY. I am useless at photoshop or putting images together, so this was the best I could do

And now to the show itself...
We got into the Bowl at about 6pm, which was when Beverly Knight came on. We were still forcing our way through the crowds, and by this time the place was packed with tens of thousands of people, to find a good spot. Beverly was very good, really got the crowds pumping with some great songs.
At about 7:30pm the Sugababes came on and they were fantastic. I didn't really know much aobut the 'babes stuff but I recognised most of them. There were some great renditions of suff like 'Round Round' and 'I bet you look good on the dance floor' which drove the crowds wild and their finally was the hypnotic 'Push the Button' I may even now get a sugababes album.

and at 8:45 the Boys came on, and here's what they did....
After a cleverly animated intr the boys appeared on stage and m first thought was 'my go they look old now' and they started with Once you've tasted love and the crows were happy to clap along. It amaxes me that there were a good few twentyish people there who would only have been about ten when TT were around before. But there were a LOT of thirty somethings too, all enjoying the revival.
Then the boys sang Pray which got the crowd frantic. The backdrop on the stage was three huge stained glass windows and the boys danced the original routine- yes they remembered it- and they could still do it! A girl behind me was on the phone to her friend "You should be here, they've still got it".

Next was Today I lost you which I didnt know because it was a new track on their hits album last year, but I didnt buy it 'cos I already had their hits album from 1995! But during the song they had circus performers on stage . This was followed by why can't I wake up with you
Then came the first big set piece of the night and it was HUGE!. It started off with asoem slutty woman in red dancing to a latino beat. You ended up wondering what song it was gonna be. After some cool dancing, Gary started singing.. "Whats an hournof a day, we throw at least one a away" at which point the crowd went crazy as they realised what song was coming up. It was a remarkable version of It only takes a minute with some wonderful latin dancing. It was wild! Then Marky sang Babe pretty much on his own, and dedicated it to the crowd. Then came an acoustic version of Everything Changes with some great audience participation followed by the balled A Million Love Songs which Gary did on the piano, and even had Marky flirting with him!
After a short costume change the boy performed their popular Beatles Medlay on a catwalk out in the crowd. I have a bit of video of this which I may upload if I can. Then followed an acoustic version of How deep is your love which also had everyone singing along. After some thanks from the band they ended the Acoustic session with Love aint here anymoe which ended up with some great audience participation.
Then came some final set pieces. Starting with Apache. This began with the electrnic woice of the MANAGER who was creating a boy band and was explaining the rules. The boys came on dressed in jumpsuits a la cloning. And they performed likepuppets to the voice of the manager. The routine ended with Jason rapping. Then dozens of dancers came on with blank face masks and the boys performed Sure to a very bass heavy dance beat. There was a backing tune that I kind of recognised but couldn't name. It reminded me of when Kylie did 'I can't get you out of my head' to the Blue Monday beat!
After the satge was clear, a dancer dressed as a devil appeard and started the 'Fire' monologue. This is the prologue to the song relight my fire which was performed with great energy. The crowd once again were wild with fire fever and were singing along with gusto. The boys, dressed in outrageous devil costumes, were performing there hearts out and I remember thinking 'If only Lulu were here'. And then one of the biggest shocks of the night... Lulu appeared in a very sexy corset and joined in. Yes LULU was there! It was frantic and energetic and climazed in some great fire effects, with a huge curtain of flames burstin up on the stage and fireworks also! After that song, the dnacers came on and rain started to shower down on stage. This led into Back For Good which they sang under the rain. (They had umbrellas). When they had finished the song, the rain continued to fall and then the next big shock of the night occurred; a huge hologram of Robbie Williams appeared on stage and sung the intro to Could it be magic It was fantastic! Then they boys came on and sung and danced in the rain and puddles of water... the crowd were still in a frenzied state.

And then came the finale, and what else could it be but Never Forget It was brilliant! It was someething seeing thousands of people waving their hands and singing along to the chorus. And as the crowd were enthralled there was a huge firework dispay off the top of the stage. It was the most amazing spectacle and it showed that the boys have still got it!

WEll that was a day and night I will Never Forget
but before I describe the actual concert I whall talk about the worst part of the day (and night). And that was the journey.
The plan was this
Leave at 11. Get to MK at about 2pm, havea a saunter into town for something to eat and saunter back to the Bowl. Enjoy the concert and allowing for traffic we should be home by 2am.

Now the reality.....
We left at about 11:20 due to sudden toilet emergencies. And what followed was one of the solwest journeys ever! The M25 hardly got about 30mph as as the M1 and there was road works on the M1 which are due to go on till 2008! So to get off the Motorway we joined th A5 which was just as bad. We arrived in Milton Keynes at about 4pm and then there were no signs at all to the National Bowl. The only reason we got there at all was of the map the Sminchin (Thanks by the way) had linked to me in a previous post. I got us to where we assumed the National Bowl was- we had seen crowds of people heading that way so we kinda knew we were going the right way.

We then had to join a queue of traffic which was trying to park. But when we got to the car park it was full and there were no signs to direct us to another car park. SO we drove around and ended up joining the back of the queue again. When we got to the front of the queue the second time we were guided to a parking place. WE parked up at a quarter to five. Our average MPH according to the car stats was 28MPH. I have never driven so slowly before.

Return Journey
The show finished at 10:45 and then it was time to leave.
We headed for the gate that led to our car park but so were thousands of other people. The gate got so congested that there was no movement at all and we were forced to leave by another gate, which took ages. When we eventually got to the car, the car parks were also congested so it took ages. We were out of the car park at midnight! Then came the slow and tedious drive to the M1. The roads were all bunged up so it take ages to get anywhere, and as soon as we got to the roundabout that should take us to the M1, the police had blocked it off because of an accident- so we ad to take a detour. We finally managed to join the M1 at 2am. And our average MPH had dropped to 19.8MPH. After that the joureny was straight-forward and we finally made it home at 4:20am.
God we were Knakcered.

Did anyone else have trouble getting on line last night? I tried but couldn't even get on!

It's Saturday and today we're off on the Road To Milton Keynes. My biggest concern is parking when I get there.

I can't believe that Cadbury's are withdrawing all those choccie bars because of Salmonella. They knew about it in January and the types of bars they are withdrawing are the types we have had since january! I tell you this news has made me sick! Or is it the Salmonella

And the rumour about the new secret house in Big Brother was true. There are gonna be five new housemates next Friday. Apparently they have been in hiding for weeks.... now do we know of any bloggers who have recently disappeared?

And finally to get me in the mood I have written a song for today. Sung to Never Forget by Take That

Ne-ee-ver Forget where you parked the car
Ne-ee-ver get trampled in the rush
So-ome-day soon we will sing along to this song
Wo-o-o-ah

(Why do most songs have a wo-o-oah in it. Is it just word filler? Wouldn't it be boring if blogs were just filled with Wo-o-oah's just to bulk out the content)

Even with the pressure of the world cup, Peter Crouch still had time to get his photo taken with the fans

I have been looking at some fun maths facts.
Did you know that it is possible to ride a bike with square wheels smoothly.... Here is a picture of how...

YEs.. you make the road all curvy! Now how about that!

And here is one for you all to ponder. It's titled Ants on a stick

One hundred ants are dropped on a meter stick. Each ant is traveling either to the left or the right with constant speed 1 meter per minute. When two ants meet, they bounce off each other and reverse direction. When an ant reaches an end of the stick, it falls off.

At some point all the ants will have fallen off. The time at which this happens will depend on the initial configuration of the ants.

Question: over ALL possible initial configurations, what is the longest amount of time that you would need to wait to guarantee that the stick has no more ants?

And for those of you at the back, the answer is not "Why the hell would I be carrying 100 ants, let alone dropping them on a stick"

I'll give the answer later

Ooh haven't my posts been stick heavy lately!

It's Friday. Today has been tiring. Especially after yesterday. Yesterday went well but I was so exhausted I was alseep by 8:15pm.
Today I am still knackered. And I had a lot of tidying up to do. My room looks like a bomb has hit it. That is if they make bombs out of string, card, bamboo sticks and plastic cups. If they did make bombs out of that, then they wouldn't kill so many people-so perhaps thats a good idea. I wonder if there is a government office somewhere in whitehall that checks all blogs for key words like BOMB. If so and you are reading this ... hello

Tonight I was supposed to be going out but after the past week I decided I needed an early night. Especially if we decide to do the whole Mitlone Bloody Keynes thing tomorrow. WE still haven;t definitely decided to go yet, but it is likely that we will.

Anyway must go now, the MI5 are bashing down my door and ordering me to drop the string and come tou with my hands up.

So the day is over. And it was a success. Everyone enjoyed it and now they all realise that Maths (with me) can be fun. So to all you doubters in Blogworld I laugh at your sad un-maths-filled lives
But I did have one surprise.... there is a girl who is exactly like Nikki from Big Brother. I swear she could be her sister. She says everything in a pronounced way, and she was saying things like "I'm not doing it! I tell you now I'm not doing it" or "I don't care if I get a bad score, as long as I'm having fun, that's all I care about" Thankfully she was having fun. In fact I really made her day... in one activity they had to make a device for transporting water from one bucket to another, using only a bamboo pole, paper cups and selotape and string. Well she managed to attach the cup to the stick easily (using an enormous amount of tape), however she had used a bit too much tape over the top of the cup, which kind of sealed the water in. She ended up having to shake and swing the whole thing round and got me very wet! This had her in stitches. She said it was the best part of the day I don't mind. It was better than "I'm not doing it"

Any way. Does anyone want to buy a Cup on a stick?

I am getting nervous about tomorrow. It is our maths fun day. Its the first one I've organised so I want it to go well. We have lots of activities planned. I am going to do Tangrams (I have made some huge pieces out of card), Paper plane throwing, And then a problem involving moving water from one place to another using only cups and sticks (Hence the bamboo sticks) And then we have a treasure hunt organised for the afternoon.
I hope the weather holds, and it is not too windy. It will bugger up the paper planes idea otherwise.

There has been further developments in the redundancy saga. we were going to get our marching orders on July 4th (I call it Redundipendence day) which meant I could get a payout (Which I think I am entitled too) but that might have to change because of some legal advice from other parties. Its all getting more complicated.

I hate racism of any kind, as I am sure my friends do too. So when I heard these stories it really annoyed me.

A seven-year-old boy has been attacked by a racist thug because he was wearing an England football top in Scotland. Hugo Clapshaw had been enjoying a kick-about with his father in Edinburgh when a man shouted abuse and punched him.
Lothian And Borders Police branded the attack "cowardly and pathetic".
is father Damon, 34, said: "Hugo was just wearing a football top, that's all he did wrong. Has the Scotland-England rivalry come to this?"
Mr Clapshaw said the man ran up to his son in the park and shouted expletives at him.
Hugo was punched in the head before the thug turned on Mr Clapshaw, punching him to the ground and kicking him.
He said the man shouted "this is Scotland, not England".

:: Police in Aberdeen are hunting a man who attacked a disabled driver because he was wearing an England shirt and flying a St George's Cross from his car.
The man was dragged from the vehicle and punched in the head and face in what Grampian Police said was a racially-motivated attack.

I heard this story on the radio on the way home from work. But the reason that I picked up on it was because it brought back a memory that I had forgotten for many years.
When I was about 17, I had made some good Scottish friends whilst camping once. (that was a brilliant trip- but thats for another time- It involves Swedish girls). Anyway, over the summer, these friends invited me up to Scotland for a few days holiday which was really nice. But whilst there I was having a walk in a local park when i was set upon by a group of Youths. When they found out I was English they then started taunting and threatening me and verbally assaulting me. It never got physical thankfully but that may be because I ran away! I felt really scared and vulnerable- It was very unpleasant.

Anyway it's nice to know that the Scottish Government have apologised and I think it is only fair, as an English Person, to apologise for Tony Blair.
It's Tony Blair. I cannot apologise enough.

OK. Does anyone else think WE SHOULD HAVE WON THAT GAME!

What a scrappy bit of defending again in that last minute. But at least the goals we scored were top notch!
And we came top in the table.
I should be feeling ecstatic.... so why aren't I?

PS: I want to work in the same place that Bradley in Eastenders works. His boss always seems to give him the afternoon off.

I see on DigitalSpy that they are considering making a Blackadder movie. Now forgive me if I'm wrong but I believe that this has been thought of before. Iam sure they were considering making a 'Batadder movie' many years ago to coincide with one of the Batman movies. Although I somehow can't imagine Tony Robinson playing Baldrick in a robin costume- having said that I wasn't thrilled seeing Tony Robinson in a thong in the Christmas Carol parody.
And it's not only Blackadder that had threatened getting the movie makeover look. What ever happened to the Red Dwarf movie that was being discussed many eons ago. They ought to hurry it up, although judging by todays news, Craig Charles is already 'crack'-ing on with it!
Anyway. What other Comedies would you like a movie to be made from? I think that SPaced would make a great movie- or maybe it already has in the form of Shaun of the Dead! haha

I have been talking recently to a Musician about learning to play an instrument. I have always wanted to play an instrument and now I play the guitar- which I only do for fun.
But that wasn't the only instrument I had started to learn to play.
When I was a wee lad in Primary school I really wanted to learn to play an instrument, so I decided to take up the Cello. I don't know why I chose the cello- maybe it was the thought of having a shapely form between my thighs and making it sing with pleasure with my regular plucking.
However, in my school if you played an instrument, you were automatically put into the school orchestra. Now I only wanted to play for fun, I wasn't very good and I could hardly follow the music. I just pretended to bow a few notes every now and then, and turned pages when I saw everyone else doing it. I hated it so much it put me off learning the instrument.
I now kind of regret stopping the lessons and resent the school a little for that strict rule. I hope things have changed these days, and people can play just for the enjoyment of playing.

A quick look over Monday.
Went to work, Got wound up by the HM. She has told a parent that I will tutor 1-2-1 a year 11 girls who is refusing to join the year 10 class as she was supposed to. now I have extra work to do... Grrrr!

Went to town to see if I could find some Bamboo canes, but everywhere I tried couldn't help me. I never realised how difficult it was to find Bamboo canes. Is there a sudden influx of Panda Bears in Tumbridge Wells?

Got home and found the last secret in the Da Vinci Code game. I now have access to the last secret room. There had better be some majorly exciting ending to this

And now it's nearly time for Big Brother.
I hope everyone had a lovely Monday.

What made you start blogging?
Curiousity really. I'd not really known anything about it before I started

How many posts do you write a day?
three or four on average. I try to post something everyday if I can

Do you think people read your blog? If so why?
I'd like to think they enjoy my humour. I am a big kid at heart, and probably so are other bloggers

What musical style would you describe your blog?
Easy Listening. Maybe the kind of Cheesy tunes you hear in Lifts.

Do you read other blogs often?
There are several I read regularly- even if I don't comment. Otherwise I check to see who has recent posts on the homepage

What attracts you to other blogs?
A sense of humour mostly. Interests like my own. Oh and Big Breasts (Kidding)

What blog title would make you read a new persons blog?
I like to read intro's like "Hi I'm new to this..." See what they're like

What title would make you steer clear of another persons blog?
Mostly the political ones or ones that tell me how good certain eye cleaners are

Do you ever discover new Bloggers because they are friends of bloggers you know already?
All the time. If my friends like them, thats a good indication

As a percentage, how addicted are you to blogging?
probably 75%. I tend to think about blogging when at work. I can post blogs from work, but I cannot read my own blog, what with my content being so inappropriate!

Imagine you went for a job interview to be an eastenders scriptwriter

Interviewer: So CJ, Describe how you would improve the Soap
CJ: I would introduce new characters
Interviewer: Give me an example
CJ: Whatabout a plumber
Interviewer: A what?
Cj: A plumber
Interviewer: What would he do