Nature does have a wicked sense of humour.

The Chavinch!

Flashback time......
......
its 1992 and I am tidying my student flat just in case I should pull and bring someone home. I put on my best shirt and make sure I am well groomed. I then go out... on the pull. I have someone in my sights so I do my best to make myself attractive. I'm a demon on the floor, especially to Relight My Fire! and then I go in for the chat. Give her my best lines... the ones I have been practising for months."If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me" and "The word of the days is Yourlegs! Now lets go and spread the word" With killer lines like that how can I fail. And yet I do. The female involved appears disinterested irregardless of my superior pulling power. And I go home, alone. Whilst she finds a drunken PE student to fill her... time.
God, Mankind is so cruel. I bet other species never has these problems...... but how wrong I was

Present Day: I have just been watching Planet Earth (BBC2) which I think is a repeat. and they were showing the Birds of Paradise, and the things a male has to go through the get a mate. It reminded me so much of what I had to go through. The Cock would clean it's area (With a little twig broom- no less) and then try and attract eh female with it's songs and Plumage. The Male got very exhausted as it inflated itself to maximum capacity just to impress the female; and after giving it all he had, the female just flew away. God I knew how that felt! Nature is so damn cruel

I think the mayfly has go it right. It only lives for one day. Surely the female hasn't got time to be picky. Grab the nearest mate and repopulate, for the sake of the next generation. Quick and easy; unfortunately it does have one drawback....

Oh... and another thing that happened today... I got one of those irritating phone calls.
We often have sales people phone to try and sell us kitchens and windows; theyre are annoying but todays one was different... and even more irritating.

Here is a dramatic reinactment of the call.

"Good evening can I speak to Mr Cj592?"
"Speaking"
"Hello. My name is [[Something unintelligible]] and I am calling from Burtons cards"

... Now this wasnt a surprise to me. When I got my Burtons card before christmas- so I could use the discount- I was toold that if I then didnt use it someone would call to see if I didnt want it anymore and cancel tha account. I assumed it was that....

She continued "Have you a few moments to talk"
"I suppose"
"Can I ask you, have you heard about identity theft?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Have you heard of identity theft?"
"I've heard of it"
"What have you heard?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Tell me what you've heard"
"Only whats been on the news I suppose"
"Tell me what you know about identity theft"
"I know bits"
"Tell me what you know"
"Why?"
"So I don't have to repeat myself later"
..... she really said that. I thought was a bit rude......
"You tell me"

... she then gave a definition which was obviously read from a hint sheet....
She continued "Do you agree with this definition?"

... I was getting more confused and irritated so I started asking some questions to find out what this was about......
"Is this about my Burtons card?"
"No"
"Are you trying to sell me Identity insurance?"
"No"
"What exactly are you selling me?"
"I am not selling anything"
"Then what is this about?"
"I am trying to inform you about indetity theft."
"Why? What are you selling?"
"I'm not selling anything"
"Then I'm sorry. I'm not really sure why you are calling"
......
"Perhaps I will call back when you are less busy, sir"
....
"I wouldnt bother really"

I still dont know what that was about. If they wanteed to sell something, I would respect them more if they just come out and say it.

The Diary of My Saturday so far....

I got up at 7 am so I could spend a bit of time with my OH before she went to work. Also it gave us a chacne to bundle up a DVD set that we had sold on ebay ready for posting. She works next to the post office so its easy for her to take the package with her and get the postage. Hopefully the postage I charged covers the postage needed.
I ad my weetabix for breakfast. I dont normally have breakfast, unless I'm off when I can relax a bit more into the day.
Popped into town, bought a mobile phone top up card and the Rentaghost DVD. I tried buying that on ebay but I kept getting outbid. I still havent got the hang of bidding at the last minute. AND... is it true that some people who sell on ebay have double identities so they can boost up the value of their lots? Thats so underhand!

Watched the last Dicka and Dom in Da Bungalow (See previous post)
And I have spent the last couple of hours playing on the PS2. Have been playing Pilot Down: Behind enemy lines. Thankfully I have managed to get past the tricky level that I have been stuck on for ages. It was my own fault because I ended the level before with next to no health and hardly any ammo. And now I am running in the wilderness trying to infiltrate Nazi Outposts. There is something pleasurable about shooting WW2 Nazis.

Anyway I am now about to do a bit of housework, so I can pretend that I have done hours of housework

Blog you later

,The Bungalow is shut. Oh I will miss it
No more shouting Bogies very loudly in supermarkets
No more dancing around with my wife's knick on my head
Nor more Muck.... except school dinners

Great song at the end....

"We danced around in Muck Muck Heaven
Except for that girl from S-Club 7"

Heehee Rachel Stevens will NEVER live that down

But was it all really Alan Yentob's bad dream?????

What what what is this Chico is on the next program. My god Its Chico time.. Thank god the british public are not mad enough to buy the song and make it number one.

..... AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Real-life speeding excuses that didn't quite cut it...

"I needed to get to the petrol station before the fuel runs out"
"I was hurrying to the petrol station before they ran out of free glasses"
"I'm a research physicist trying to prove Einstein's theory of relativity"
"Thank heavens officer, I thought the flashing blue light chasing me was a UFO"
"My shoes have just been resoled and I'm not used to the extra weight on the pedal"
"I was in a complete daze because I've got a new air freshener in my car"
"I'm a member of the Royal Family"
"I was trying to get away from the car following me"
"These 'go faster' stripes really do work then"
"I was trying to make up the hour we lost when the clocks went forward"