What an absolute Pantomime of televisual entertainment tonight. It was all jolly good fun.

Firstly I'll start with the Eastenders Pantomime
"Easterella"
or
"Jake and the Meanstalk"
or
"Dicks Whitless-ton"

Set the Scene:
The Evil Johnny Allanazar has kept the loverly Rubyrella locked in the tower guarded by the henchman Dandini. But TweedlePhil and TweedleGrant are there trying to defeat Allanazar. Allanazar orders his henchman Dandini to kill TweedleeGrant and bring back his heart on a cushion. But after many 'Behind You's' Dandini is shot by Simple Simon Jake. And TweedlePhil and TweedleGrant live. And whats more Rubyrella convinces Allanazar to change his ways after receiving help from the Genie of the Magic Ringtones. TweedlePhil and TweedleGrant waddle off home and Simple Jakeman rescues Rubyrella and she goes to live with the Dwarves, Dopey, Grumpy and Slutty, at Slaterville. The End

Hustle was also very entertaining, and not too dissimilar. With a horrid Mark suddenly changing his ways. And it all went a bit Bollywood too. Great set pieces there, loved the whole show!

Have you ever wondered who your ideal celebrity blind date would be?
ust answer the following five questions and I will use my secret and infallible mathematical formula to calculate who it would be.

Just leave your answers as a comment!

Question 1

Describe your favourite sort of Party

Seriously, the formula works! My ideal date turned out to be Kiera Knightley!

Feeling pleased with myself. I have just completed Resident Evil 4!OK so it was on easy level and I had hints from a walkthrough, but that's not the point. I DID it! I am sure there are loads of fourteen (PS you shouldnt be playing it seeing as there's an age limit!) year old boys out there thinking, bah I did it in five hours on Extreme mode with only the knife and no saving and with one hand, because I was using the other hand to ...... you get the idea. Well 'Bleeaaah' to you young lads, and I hope you're going to clean up that mess!

Some great news for Doctor Who fans according to the BBC. (And Im not jst referring to the fact that Derek Acorah has signed up!)

Doctor Who is back for a second series and the Time Lord will be around for a while, because star David Tennant has signed up for a third.
Billie Piper, his assistant Rose Tyler, has also confirmed she is on board the Tardis for the third run of the return of the BBC's sci-fi hit.

Good news. No new regeneration this time. Which is a relief as there are only three left!
Other interesting news as that it will see the return of k9 and Sarah Jane Smith will have a bitch fight with Rose... And the Doctor and Rose kiss... again (but not all is what it sems)

I was watching the BBC news this morning and they even showed some clips of the opening episode, and it is looking really good! I am getting excited again!

Also on the BBC news this morning was Jo, the mad freaky woman who was fired, at last, from the Apprentice last night. I felt sorry for Jo and I felt embarrassed to watch Bill Turnbull. He was unnecessarily rude to Jo. I always think he looks down at some guests as if he's better. Well Bill You're not! He said. "We all enjoyed laughing a... er with you!" he was gonna say 'at' you! And when Jo admitted taht she is now working on a website that will he disabled people get better jobs he said "So Jo, There's a web site you could use for yourself!". Let me tell you something Bill, you're not that great, you're just soeone who reads words off a screen!

AND.....
Other news that effects me; It looks like Wembley Stadium is not gonna be finished for the Take That concert, so they have re-sited it to Milton Keynes! How the F am I gonna get to Milton Keynes???? I bet no-one is gonna how pay for the extra travel expense? Are you? Eh? I'm gonna have to PRAY for help cos i'm SURE that it'll take more than JUST A MINUTE to get there!

Ever had one of those conversations with someone who doesn’t really have a clue what’s going on in the program you’re watching?

Me and my friend watching Eastenders

Oh look its Grant, I thought he’d gone
He had but now he’s back
Where has he been?
He helped Sharon out when she left.
Sharon? He was married to her? Where’s she gone?
She left
Why?
Her husband was killed.
Oh yes. He died in a fire
No that was Tom who died in the fire. This was Dennis
Dennis? Her dad?
No Dennis her brother
She married her brother?
Yes. And then he got killed by Johnny Allen
And what happened to Den? Her dad?
He got murdered
Murdered? Who by?
His Wife
Angie?
No. Not Angie. Angie’s dead
Angie’s dead?
Yes. this was Chrissie
And where’s Chrissie now?
In prison.
For killing Den?
Yes. But first Sam was charged with it.
Sam?
Samantha Mitchell. Grants sister.
Oh Yes. Samantha. Played by Daniella Westbrook
She was played by Daniella, but now she’s played by Kim Medcalfe.
And where is Sam now?
She’s gone
Because of the murder charge?
Yes! And because of her disastrous marriage to Andy Hunter
Andy Hunter? And where is he?
He’s been killed
Killed?
By Johnny Allen
Is there anyone Johnny Allen hasn’t killed?
Well he didn’t kill Danny Moon.
And who’s Danny?
Jake’s brother
And Johnny didn’t kill him?
No! Jake will do that.
So let me get this straight…. Jake is gonna kill Danny. But we all thought Johnny killed Danny, but Johnny killed Andy who was married to Sam who was done for Dens murder but really Chrissie killed Den. But Johnny also killed Dennis, not Sharon’s dad Dennis, but Sharon’s brother Dennis who she also married before he was killed. Is that right?
Well kind of, actually Danny killed Dennis……
Stop right there. I think I’ll watch the Simpsons

It's nearly Easter. Nearly time for the new series of Doctor Who. (Saturday 15th April) And there is good news for Ghostbusting fans( maybe) Derek Acorah is gonna have a small part in one of the episodes-an episode called 'Army of Ghosts', so I can almost imagine what character he'll play (LOL) Another guest appearance will be from Barbara Windsor but apparently they will NOT be in Albert Square. I will assume a cameo like that guy from Blue Peter had, when they showed a BP episode making a slitheen spaceship on the TV.

I havent really had much to blog about of late, A bit of a writers Blog so to speak.

Said the Masochist to the Sadist; "Hurt me! Hurt me!"
Said the Sadist to the Masochist; "No!"

Discuss.

I wish I was Dalek
By CJ

I wish I was Dalek
I think it would be great
I'd roll around the corridors
and cry "Exterminate!"
And I will swivel my dome head around
and everytime you walk
I will watch very carefully
with my eye upon a stalk
And I will terrorise the cities
All the folk will scream and shout
And I will be invincible
'Til my Batteries run out

I like Eastenders but I think this week is going to stretch my imagination somewhat. The thought of Grunt Mitchell playing golf does not hold true.

But flicking round the sites I have found the following polls. It's about favourite deaths in soaps

Most Dramatic Soap Death
1 Trevor Jordache killed and buried under the patio (Brookside, 1993)
2 Richard Hillman driving his car into a canal (Coronation Street, 2003)
3 Steve Owen left to burn in a car (EastEnders, 2002)
4 Everyone in the Emmerdale plane crash (1993)
5 Maxine Peacock hit over the head by Richard Hillman (Coronation Street, 2003)

I remember the Jordache under the patio thing. It was the first time I really watched Brookside. He was played by the same guy who played Shifty in Bread I think

Most Emotional Soap Death
1 Ethel Skinner with a little help from Dot (EastEnders, 2000)
2 Jamie Mitchell in hospital after being run over (EastEnders, 2002)
3 Alma Halliwell of cervical cancer (Coronation Street, 2001)
4 Dennis Rickman stabbed on New Year's Eve (2005)
5 Matthew and Emily Farnham killed when mum Susannah crashed the car (Brookside, 1997)

Dennis rickman's death thought of as emotional? Well I suppose relief is an emotion of sorts

Most Ridiculous Soap Death
1 Anne Malone freezing to death locked in Freshco's freezer (1998)
2 Barry Evans pushed off a mountain (EastEnders, 2004)
3 Den Watts in a canalside shooting that turned out to be faked (EastEnders, 1989)
4 Everyone in the Emmerdale plane crash (1993)
5 Cindy Beale dying in prison during childbirth (1998)

I remember the Anne Malone death. I think the script writers were having a "Don't know how to end this but we'd better make it soon" moment.

And Maybe the following week in Eastenders will be added to one of the lists. But which list? We will have to wait to find out...

Edit: this was my 600th Blog

Here's a poem for Faaaantastic

Faaaantastic is also a blogger
in his spare time hes a bit of a jogger
He's a bit of a braggart
Looks like that bloke from taggart
And always gets high scores on Frogger

Everyone thinks I am mad... and here's why.

Today I was supposed to have my 'report reading session with the HM. The idea is, as form tutors, we go with our reports and she has a flick through and she adds her comment and it's done. Anyway this morning she came into the staff meeting holding one set of reports. She didn't have time to sign them on Friday so she took them home. She claimed she found many mistakes. She then stated that instead of coming for to the session we should spend the time checking for all the mistakes.
Everyone seemed happy to do this. My appointment was the last of the day and I decided to keep it. Unfortnately she had booked to see someone else, but she would take my reports and check carefully for mistakes- she had that 'That'll teach him to be cocky' look on her face. Looks like she's gonna check doubly hard.

Everyone thinks I was mad....
What do you think?

What I have learnt today

When you suffer from accidental Spoonerisms the way I do, it is not a good idea to tell people you are feeling Bright and Shiny!

Weekends go so quickly- this one quicker than most, seeing that there was an hour less of it.
My OH said that one person came in late for work today because they didnt realise the clocks had changed (or is that just an excuse?) I know that tomorrow, all the school bells will be out of synch.
And we've got the fire goin now- which is lucky seeing as the logs were soaked. Today has rained loads. God really did pop up a wet one today!
Once again I have been trawling the internet and ceefax pages looking for holiday deals. I think we have decided to stay in this country. At least that way we can drive where we want when we want, and come back when we want too. hopefully it will be nice over Easter.
Weight watching hasn't gone very well. I have cut down on the amount of Tea I drink a day, because I have 1 sugar in each cup. Plus I have been having salads for dinner so thats better than before. I must remember my target! It's BASIC!
Let Summer party = costume.
Let Happiness =0.
If Costume = fits then let Happineass = Happiness +10.
If Costume = Not fits then let Happiness = Happiness -10.
Goto Start
Run

Well there I was last night, laying in bed at 12:59am when suddenly a minute later I had shot forward in time by a whole hour and it was 2am. What happened? Is it possible that I have a magic bed (Well yes I do but that is a totally different story ).
No I am of course referring to Daylight Saving Time. That bizarre idea that one day in spring the clocks go forward and then again in October the clocks go back an hour. (Remember: Spring Forward and Fall Back) But surely this bizzare action makes time travel possible.. especially in October.
Imagine the Scene.
A criminal decides to commit a crime at 1:30 am on the night of October when the clock goes back. He then runs away and then suddenly At 2am, the clocks go back to 1am! Now all he has to do is find someone that will give him an alibi, and he as thirty minutes to do it! He can honestly say that at 1:30 am he was with his alibi. QED. Perfect alibi, perfect crime and all because of Time Travel.

My OH and I have just finished watching Serenity on DVD, which I got for my birthday. I'd already seen it so I wasn't too worried woth all the 'whats happenening.. who are they... whats going on now" type questions that I tend to get during films
I think taht it would also have made a good PS2 game. What with River's fighting, the bank robbing at the beginning and a bit of stealth as Simon rescues River. Ho hum
Oh well mustn't complain, at least there is another Tomb Raider Game on its way... Lara does have huge, er, benefits.

So far today I have...
Got up early and went in to town. Spent an hour and a half in a travel agent tryin gto decide where to go for a holiday over Easter, with very little success. Had to rush out of there due to parking restrictions.
I caught up on last nights Eastenders and Hustle. eastenders was funny. Especially with the odd couple Brad and Stacey. It reminds me of the old comedy 'Watching' with Brenda (played by the lovely Emma Wray) and Malcolm. Totally mismatched. heehee.
And what is up with Yolande? Isn't the old Patrick Hatrick not enough for her?
And hustle was very good! And those Bankers... they really did go around in Wunches! Brilliant Show!

I suppose the top TV that I watch at the moment would be
1) The Apprentice
2) Hustle
3) Eastenders
4) Desperate housewives
5) Invasion.

And Liverpool won a game with only ten men. Against Everton.D. Brilliant!
And then I played a little bit more of Resi 4. I am SO rubbish at the game. I just wastedall my ammo on killing the Giant Monster El Gigante. Now I have nothing left and I am being ambushed by mad villagers- I just hate it when that happens!
I did pop into Game this morning to put my name down for the PS3. I was the 35th person on the list

Just a quick not to log what I have done today.

Work. Made a pupil come to detention. Had some pupils sing a wonderful song I made up about Pythagoras theorem. Had a salad for lunch. I have decided i need to lose a bit of wieght. There is a Hollywood themed party I am gong to in the summer and I have a costume already, but it is a bit snug......

Got home. Exercised- To Kylie! Had a bath and then went out for the evening with my mate. This was the one postponed from last week. Caught up on some news.... very interesting gossip. Tried to flirt with a Barmaid but didnt get very far. Regular readers will know the state of MY chat up lines

Now I am home and ready for bed.

PS the plan was to chat up the barmaid for my mate. The idea being that she would be so disappointed in not having me, that he could just swoop in and comfort her

PPS - Only joking. I am a little oiled

I have just been flicking through Amazon.co.uk, as I like to do occasionally to see if there are lots of goodies that I want to buy. Did you know that Acorn Antiques the Musical is now avalable on DVD? I wanted to see this in London but it was totally booked up for when I could go. I think the DVD will be just as good though, according to the reviews.

And then I noticed that Erasure have released a single. It is called Boy and was released on Monday. When I looked into it further I noticed there is a new album on the way. Called 'Union Street' (named after the infamous road in Plymouth??) and here are the tracks:
1 Boy
2 Piano Song
3 Stay With Me
4 Spiralling
5 Home
6 Tenderest Moments
7 Alien
8 Blues Away
9 How Many Times?
10 Love Affair
11 Rock Me Gently

So it looks like it's gonna be a compilation as all these are tracks from previous albums.

The Circus: Spiralling
Wild!: Piano Song, How Many Times?
Chorus: Home
I Say I Say I Say: Blues Away
Run To The Sun (B-Side): Tenderest Moments
Erasure: Stay With Me, Rock Me Gently
Cowboy: Boy, Love Affair
Loveboat: Alien

So is it worth getting? There are some lovely tracks there, especially Rock me gently, which I dont think was released here. They are obviously going for a slow and emotive pace this time. And nice to have them all on one disc, so I probably will! So a definite thumbs up from me!

Here's a list thats been going around like a childhood epidemic of Chicken pox.

1.Have you ever wondered if cows like apples?
Have YOU ever wondered if the apples like cows?

2.Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo?
The real question is do they love ME enough not to take it?

3.Do you see shapes in the clouds?
What clouds? I don't see any clouds... aaargh

4.Do you suddenly blurt out totally random things?
Tadpoles

5.Whats the weirdest gift you've ever received/given?
A Mr Ploppy. Thanks Heidi!

6.Do you get withdrawal symptoms if you're not on the internet for a long time?
Oh yes. When my OH is on I just sit and stare longingly at it

7.Have you played Truth Or Dare?
I'd rather play snakes and ladders

8.Do you have more friends on the internet than in real life?
Yes and No

9.What was your fave cartoon(s) as a child?
Dogtanian, Dungeons and dragons

10.Do you think E.T (the extraterrestrial) is cute?
Er No. I think it's not real

11.Can you make cocktails?
No. It's at the front!

12.Tap water or bottled water?
Tap.

13.Did you enjoy filling this in?
Yes. It has given me something to blog about on this dry day

The Cheese has gone off... no I'm not talking about the contents of my fridge, but I am referring to Mani, the Management Cheese from The Apprentice.

We title him that because of all the cheesy managemnt terms and lingo that he kept spouting over the past few weeks. Plus he was somewhat up himself. And now he has been fired. Good! And mad psycho JO is still there! Heehee

But I was surprised that, out of the two teams, the Paul Daniels 'Magic' campaign won. I liked the concierge one better.
But Dem's de brakes.

The Apprentice, one of the best programs on at the moment

"Tiger Tiger Burning Bright
Which sad git set you alight?"

:p

How to annoy an Obsessive Compulsive:

Draw a wiggly line and then take away his rubber.

Right. I'm going to go through my evening backwards.

I am home now and I am enjoying my first Creme Egg of the year. I know some people find them sickly But Hmmmmm. Loverly!
I have just been driving home after the concert. I havent eaten and I really fancy some chips. There is a good chip shop in town but it is never open. It shuts all day Sunday and Monday. It opens for lunch at 12pm and shuts at 2:30pm. THen opens again at 5:30pm only to shut at 9pm. What silly times. If I owned a chip shop, I would open as much as possible, and then swear I was Elvis.

The second act were very good. For those of you who have been regular Voidies since the early days, you may remember I mentioned a Boy Band that had a photo shoot in the school. Well it was them, and they played a free concert for charity. They only money they made was in CD sales. (I bought one-signed- just in case they are really famous one day)

The first act were awful. The lead singer must have been a genius because it takes real talent to not hit a single right note. There was a glimmer of hope at one point when they sung a song they wrote themselves titled 'Bang and the Dirt is Gone' Which I hoped was a serious protest against all that Barry Scott stands for, but it turned out to be an excuse to shout BANG a lot!

I'm off out in a minute. There is a charity concert at school and a couple of bands are playing. I hope they are good.

I am supposed to be going out in a minute. But I have been playing around with my Header. Do you like it?

Theme Tune from Firefly

Take my love. Take my land.
Take me where I cannot stand.
I don't care, I'm still free.
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black.
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back.
Burn the land And boil the sea.
You can't take the sky from me.

Have no place I can be since I found Serenity.
But you can't take the sky from me.

Hmmm I am content now.
Loverly Curry and some wonderful presents
Yes today was My Birthday.
Yes I was born... So I can't be a robot can I?
I got Serenity on DVD. YIPPEEE!
Also Alias Series 4 and Sea of Souls
And a Dr Who tie with the Tardis on it!

I have been spoilt.

and we have just finished watching Scary Movie 3.5. I laughed so much. You wouldnt catch a robot laughing.... apparnetly thats how you can tell if something is sentient, according to the film Short Circuit.

Number 5 is alive!

I'm having one of those weird abstract days. Today I went to the Junior School because the Year 4 girls have been doing a project. It's on conspiracy theories. The conspiracy was that the government are replacing Mathematics Teachers with Robots. I have been intorragated by some 7 year olds to see if I was a robot. It was good fun. I don't think I managed to convince them that I I I I I wasn't.

And then I did a cover lesson. It was French, which is not my best subject by any stretch of the imagination. But one of the exercises the girls were set was a quiz on how much they eat. Then they look at their score and see what sentence applies to them! It's the sort of thing you get in girly magazines all the time... er... so I'm told. Anyway I did the quiz and I was told to 'regardez votre poids!' I cannot believe I am getting health and dieting tips from a French Text Book!

Oh well at least its Steak Day. . I may get a steak but I have been told the only BJ i'll be getting is a broken jaw!

Ho hum

Night Draws on you know....

Edit: I still havent got the hang of the Top Blogs List. I know it's not important but THe Inquizitor is number 1, which had 83 views and Enter the Void was twentieth which had 115 views. Eh?

In the beginning, God created Eve. And she had 3 breasts. After three weeks in the garden, God came to visit Eve. "How’re things, Eve?" He asked.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful but I just have this one problem. It’s these three breasts you’ve given me. The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they’re a real pain," reported Eve.

"That’s a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at that you know. I gave the animals, what, six? So I just figured you’d need half, but I see that you are right. I’ll fix that up right away!" So, God reaches down and removes the middle breast, tossing it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed, and God once again visited Eve in the garden. "Well, Eve, how’s my favourite creation?" He asked. "Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one small oversight on your part. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has her ram, the cow has her bull, all the animals have a mate, except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment. "You know, Eve, you’re right. How could I have overlooked this! You do need a mate and I will immediately create Man from a part of you! Now, let’s see ....... where did I put that useless tit?"