I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned but ..... It's pancake day

I have had some loverly ones with Ice cream slowly melting and melted dark chocolate, squirted with Baileys squirty Cream. MMMMmmmmmMMM

I also had a suar and lemon one. what a strange combination. I know that originally the pancakes were to use up all the old stock, but who ended up with a lemon??........ Actually on second thoughts I'm not surprised the lemon was left til the end, out of all the fruits in the basket it's hardly the one you would grab for first when it comes to a succulent juicy treat!

PS: This is a WARNING: There is a new Cillit Bang advert and he's even more shouty than normal. Avoid at all cost!!

For All you Maid Marian fans

Danny John-Jules has performed many songs written for 'Maid Marian And Her Merry Men' - a comical children's adaptation of the Robin Hood tale - in his guise as Barrington, the First Rastafarian. This song opens the episode, 'A Game Called John'.

It's pancake day
Yes, it's pancake day
Yes, it's p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pancake day
Well, it's pancake day
It's really pancake day
Yes, it's p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pancake day

Now the Merry Men know about pancake making
'cause pancake day is a regular fixture
You take your frying pan, and some sugar and jam
And get on down to make the mixture

Well you take a dozen eggs, take a cup of milk
And don't forget to add a little flour
And then you beat it up with a wooden spoon
And leave it to settle for just one hour

'cause it's pancake day
Yes, it's pancake day
Yes, it's p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pancake day
Well, it's pancake day
It's crucial pancake day
Yes, it's p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pancake day

But back in the village of Worksop
Where the living ain't so funny
They make their pancakes out of dirty old mud
'cause they ain't got no flipping money

Their smiles are wide, 'cause the tears they hide
Even though their life is hell
But the smiles start to fall, when the sheriff comes to call
And he brings King John as well

The Oscars are nearly upon us, but it looks like these people are more interested in the Golden Globes

Heres a little thing I wrote about 15 years ago. Its a rap with a capital (and silent) C. It was written as part of an assembly on prejudice. There were three versus but I cannae remember the third verse.

Prejudice

Prejudice! To pre-judge
Talk about someone, bearing a grudge
Just because they’re different, not like you
You think it’s the coolest thing to do
Take Fashion, Expensive as a rule
If you haven’t got the cash then you’re just not cool
Take the mick out of those who ain’t got the gear
But of course- We’re not prejudice here

Did you hear about the Irish man who sat on the floor?
He fell off! What do we say that for?
We make ‘em second class citizens, treat ‘em like dirt
It’s a shame but it’s true. Prejudice hurts
The National Front, the IRA
They stop at nothing to get their own way
Thousands of people living in fear
But of course- We’re not prejudice here!

Hello

Thanks to AJ I can now change my font size

OK I have just finished watching Carry On Eastenders. Who wrote this script? It's like a carry on film but without the original cast.. except one of course. Billy's Dad has appeared and, following a script that even I could have written, was mistaken for a plumber by Billy who made a really bad impression on his future father in law. He still got the best line, saying to Peggy "Have you lost your carer? D'you want me to call someone?"
I have said it before but I think Stacey is a wonderful character and I am also liking Bradley; except there is something unusual about him. Have you guessed what it is? Yes he's got a job! and it's not in the square! admittedly he never seems to go to work or leave the square but it i a start. Until we find that he hasn't really got a job and 'outside the square' is just a place he made up.

And Phil Daniels (Not Paul Daniels from such TV greats as Odd One Out and ... er,...er Wipeout) is now part of the cast. But thanks to Harry Hill everytime our Phil says a line I jsut want to sing out.... PARKLIFE!

Somehow I knew today would be bad as soon as I got in to work and got yelled at even before the teaching day started. The Art teacher has been trying to organise a GCSE exam day for the year 11 Art class. She had chosen next Monday. Unfortunaley next monday is the GCSE maths module exam. Can't do anything about that, it's set by the board. But it was enought for me to get my head bitten off. Whats more she stormed out and involved the HM. Great start to the day. She did apologise later; there were more things going on.

I am also becoming increasingly aware of a sharp tooth. last night I accidentally bit the side of my mouth which really hurt. I did wonder at the time why my burgers were tasing like blood. And now I keep rubbing my tongie over the tooth and it is really jagged. Weird.

I've also misplaced my cheque book. I have turned the place over looking for it. I think my OH is gonna kill me because of the mess. Not that I leave a big mess but she always notices...

Blog you later, if I'm still alive. Anyone got any good stress relief techniques? (And I'm not tapping my head!)

I have just finished watching Junior Mastermind. How did those kids get to be so brainy??????
At the end they asked if anyone wanted to apply for the next series of Junior Mastermind. I think i might give it a go, I might stand a chance then. I wouldnt get anywhere on the adult mastermind, unless my specialist subjest was "Topics that you know nothing about"- I could get a point every time I proved that I knew nothing about it.
Still I would much prefer being on matermind than on the Apprentice. anyone else watch the apprentice this week? That Mad bouncy woman will really get on my nerves. She's like Charlie Dimmock on Crack! and as for Syed... The A team??? for a business name???

Also today I have been playing my PS2. Been trying to esacpe from Nazi Germany in Pilot Down: Behind enemy lines. I am really quite rubbish at games but I enjoy them. I do have to put it on easy setting though, because if things get too hard for me I don't enjoy it as much and that will defeat the purpose. And when I win I get as excited as the mad bouncy Charlie Dimmock on Crack Apprentice woman

Today is Sunday
Tomorrow is Monday
But Tuesday is PANCAKE DAY. I love pancakes, my favourite savoury one is beans with melted cheese and my favourite Sweet ones are Baileys and white chocolate or Melted mars Bar!
Whats your favourite?
Pancake day is also called Shrove Tuesday. The word Shrove comes from the word Shrivel, which is what happens to my ones when I try to cook them! Then my and my OH have a tossing competition to see who can get the biggest flip. Invariably I am the biggest tosser.
My Sixth took assembly last friday and part of it was creating a pancake batter mix. It went well but I have s rather strange feeling that they left one of the eggs in the room. Its been there all weekend- I hope it hasnt hatched or gone off. Or even worse, the vicar may have sat on it.

Does Anyone else hope this isnt true

Doctor Who will land on Albert Square in the next series of the sci-fi hit, The Sun claims today.

The Timelord will apparently visit the Queen Vic and be served by Peggy Mitchell (Barbara Windsor).

"The Doctor and his sidekick Rose have travelled galaxies far and wide and battled vile aliens, but they’ve never come up against Peggy Mitchell," an insider told the newspaper. "The funniest thing is she'll be calling 'Time' to the original Timelord.”

A source close to Windsor added, "She’s thrilled. She’s a very big fan of Doctor Who and feels very honoured."

Actually it won't be the first time that Doctor Who has been set in Albert Square. I seem to remember a Children in Need Special with Sylvester McCoy and Ace, and you had to phone in and vote for who was going to help The Doctor against the Rani. You could vote for Mandy Salter or Big Ron.
Can Anyone else remember this?
And Does anyone else remember Mandy Salter. She was the Stacey Slater of her day.

Next Month it will be my birthday so I have started my birthday list

Just to recap: My OH and I have decided not to fall for those 'just get me something nice' or 'You know what I like, surprise me' traps so we wirte each other birthday lists. It makes life easy and that is a good thing!

Anyway I put on my list that I quite fancied the book Good News, Bad News which is a spooks type story just like I like.
But last night my Oh said she typed in the title in Amazon and got too many books listed that she got confused as to the one I want. So I decided to help. I also went into Google to show her which one I wanted and to see what the others were. And when I saw the list it came up with I was surpsied that she found it confusing.

Here was what was listed

1) Good News Bad News
~David Wolstencroft. Its the one I want

2) Good News Bad News
~David Wolstencroft Its the same book but in hardback!

3)Bad News/Good News (Beacon Street Girls)
~Annie Bryant, et al. Its a childrens book for ages 9-12. And the title is wrong. Not quite me I think

4) Good Intentions Make Bad News: Why Americans Hate Campaign Journalism. Not quite the same title, and I dont think I have shown any interest in Amercian anti-journalism literature. I like spy books!

5)Good news for bad times : a study of 1 Peter ~Richard W. DeHaan.
Hmmm a study of one of the biblical epistles of Saint Peter. I must be giving off some religious vibes as well as anti american journalism vibes

6) The Gospel Sound: Good News and Bad Times ~Anthony Heilbut.
Confusing because of the many hours I spend listening to gosepl music Perhaps???? Perhaps not

7)Good News Bad News: The Concise Tax Guide/a No-Nonsense Guide to the Benefits and Pitfalls of the New Tax Law.
Ok so the title seems right, but it's hardly James Bond

8) Good News for Bad Backs
I dont even have a bad back!!!

9) Sepsis and Organ Dysfuntion: Bad and Good News on Prevention Management.
Organ Disfunsction. I'd rather have the bad back!

It was at this point last night that we were both laughing too much that it was beginning to hurt. My OH is not that confused any more.

The acrobats displayed some cunning stunts.

Sir, you are certainly a shining wit.

He fills her soul with hope.

It's the Tale of Two Cities.

Have you brought your sleeping bag?

She is sure pretty.

Have you seen her sick duck?

Oh, the suffering of purgery on my soul!

He's not a pheasant plucker.

She showed me her tool kits.

He's a smart fella.

Fire truck.

Overhead door.

Whilst chatting idly over a cup of tea with another colleague today she bizarrely asked me if I knew the phrase 'the Cats mother'; as in if you were talking to someone and they kept saying 'she' you could say 'who's that? the Cat's Mother?' as a way of getting someone to be more specific about who they were referring to.
Anyway she asked me if I knew of any male equivalent, because the cat's mother is often used when someone says 'she'
After a quick think I said 'the Dog's Bollocks'. She spluttered he tea as she laughed. She wasn't expecting that.
"Is that general or just you?"
I gave her a cheeky smile and walked away

Home now. And the week is over. I'm not on duty again for a few weeks so I can have chance to recover, because I think I need it.

Ransacking the magic cupboards that seem to fill themselves I have found some Monster Munch mmmm Pickled onion flavour.. Aaaaaand some Smiths Walkers squares crisps- Salt and vinegar flavour. And i have just wolfed down BOTH packets! My mouth now has the acidic feel!
Actually there has been a lot of vinegar around in the past two days.
I was reading Submit's blog and she now stinks of vinegar as does her kettle!
Whilst I was on Duty Yesterday on girl decided to inform me that in the olden days (apparently when I was young), women used to insert vinegar up her (The exact phrase the girl used was: She drank the vinegar, but not with her mouth!) and this would prevent pregnancy.
I suppose it would prevent pregnancy; it would probably prevent intercourse entirely!
And today I was reading about bee stings. Did you know that Doc Leaves are good for bee stings because bee stings are acid and Doc Leaves are Alkali so they neutralise the acid. But Doc leaves don't work on Wasp stings because Wasp stings are in fact Alkali so the best remedy is using something Acidic, like Vinegar.
I must try that next time although there will be a side effect... A prevention of intercourse for me too

Another poem by Cj

Sudoku's a work of the devil
by cj
sudoku’s a work of the devil
There’s numbers and boxes galore
And everyone knows how to do them
‘cept me and the fogey next door
But I sit on the train with my pencil
and pretend that I know it by heart
And I’m filling the gaps quite at random
It’s all wrong, but it makes me feel smart.

Found in Shakespeares Waste paper bin.
never before seen
The original jottings from Romeo and Juliet

ROMEO [Coming forward.]:
hold on But soft! What light through yonder window comes through breaks?
It is the candle East, and Joanna Jemima Jackie Juliet is gorgeous the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and show us some leg kill the envious moon
Who is gagging already sick and pale with grief

JULIET:
O Rodney Ralph Reggie Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Sod Deny thy father and get your kit off refuse thy name;
Or, else if thou wilt not, then I'm buggered be but sworn my love,
And I'll no longer be a Copperbottm Postlethwaite Capulet.

Ordinary World by Duran Duran

This song is one of my favourite songs. But it also makes me sad. Makes me sad because it reminds me of a friend I once had and that I was a bad friend.
When I was at University I had many different circles of friends. One of them, whom I shall call Andrew, was gay. This was in 1992. We kinda became friends through mutual friends. Sometimes our group would go out to clubs and so on. One day he asked me out (Not like that; he knew I wasnt interested, so to speak). Previously we hadn't gone out together alone, but as a group- although we chatted a lot. (The prats in the corner not dancing!) But I often got the impression that he wasnt a happy person.
Anyway we went out together. The evening started and he told me that he wanted to tell me something but not until later. We had a good evening. He copped off I seem to remember. Then when we went home he told me that he wasnt really happy. The song ordinary World was in the charts. He told me that the way he felt was in the lyrics. He asked me to listen to the lyrics and call him.

I never did
I never saw him again. In fact no-one knew where he went; just a rumour that he moved to Torquay.
Months later I listened to the sung. I remembered what he said. And I got sad. Because I think I realised what he was trying to say.

Here ae the lyrics

Came in from a rainy thursday on the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly.
I turned on the lights, the tv and the radio
Still I can’t escape the ghost of you
What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some’d say,
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away...

But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world,
Somehow I have to find.
And as I try to make my way, to the ordinary world...
I will learn to survive.

Passion or coincidence once prompted you to say
Pride will tear us both apart
Well now pride’s gone out the window cross the rooftops, run away,
Left me in the vacuum of my heart.
What is happening to me?
Crazy, some’d say,
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away...
(chorus)
-
Papers in the roadside tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrowed talk
(just blown away...)
And I don’t... (chorus)
Every world, is my world... (I will learn to survive)
Any world, is my world ... (I will learn to survive)
Any world, is my world...
Every world is my world...

I think he was struggling with his sexuality; he wanted to join 'an ordinary world' and it was making him crazy/unhappy. It kind of fits the way he was and the way people talked about him. I hope he found happiness somewhere and didnt... well, you know.
But the line that gets to me the most is the one I should have heard that night when he wanted me too.

Where is my friend when I need you most?

And I wasn't there....

New poem

The Big Pretence
By Cj

People think that I know what I’m doing but I don’t
People think that I’ve got it all sorted but I don’t
The problem is I haven’t a clue
I just pretend as if I know what to do
And I know that I sometimes get it all wrong
But I’m making it up as I go along
And there’s too many people depending on me
So I must do my best to let nobody see
That I go with the flow
But I won’t let it show
No I won’t

excipio fidelis: quingenti epistula

I have tried to bring a bit of Culchah into my blog. Seeing as this is my 500th post. I used a dictionary and tried to write something like

Welcome Friends: Five hundred blogs!

but I expect I got all the grammar wrong. I expect there will be bloggers out there ready to correct me, well poo to you! This is my blog and if I want to say "to enter the people five hundred a letter" instead of Welcome Friends: Five hundred blogs then I will.

Its a bit like that scene in The Life of Brian

CENTURION:
What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?
BRIAN:
It-- it says, 'Romans, go home'.
CENTURION:
No, it doesn't.

This is a quick blog. I am knackered tonight. And I feel rough.
I'm off for an early night

Being on duty can be tiring, especially with some of the things the kids do. Today I had to deal with a pupil who was cowering outside the music room because she was too scared to join the choir; a group of year 11's playing hide and seek in the classrooms and a poor year 7 girl who was nearly in tears because she couldn't remember what bus she got on.

Brokeback Mountain did well in the BAFTA's. It got best film. Good! It was a fantastic film. And Wallace and Gromit got best british film.

But my favourite category is 'best film not in an english language: The winner being
De Battre Mon Coeur S'est Arrete.
Which I think stands for The Battery of the Cauliflower which is then arrested!
Sounds like a ripping yarn

This list has been round more people than a slapper on heat.

If you think I nicked it off you, then let me know an I will link to you.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Kershwiiiiing

2. How much cash do you have on you?
none. I have now taken my trousers off. PS I'm at home

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"
Quest

4. Favourite planet?
Uranus (heehee)

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
My OH. the only person that ever phones me

6. What is your favourite ring on your phone?
Doctor who theme, real player

7. What shirt are you wearing?
A white T-shirt

8. Do you label yourself?
Only when I want to send myself via international post

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing.
I will call the left one Sonia and the right one Velhilmut

10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright. except if I'm trying to sleep

11. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Wondering why my pillows are so useless

12. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
It was some Virgin message. i dont read 'em

13. Where is your nearest 7-11?
on the number line I have at school. -4 right!

14. What's a saying that you say a lot?
Sit down and shut up

15.Who told you they loved you last?
How will I know. If people are still loving me, then the last one hasn't happened yet

16. Last furry thing you touched?
a pencil case

17. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days?
Caffeine and chocolate. Oh and I licked a stamp, does that count?

18. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
I have a roll from about ten years ago. Cannot remember whats on it.

19. Favourite age you have been so far?
I think the Ice Age was kind of cool. Does the Jurrasic era count?

20. Your enemy?
Mr Organised

21. What is your current desktop picture?
The cybermen

22. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"What have we got?"

23. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
To fly! Then I'll get even on those pigeons

24. Do you like someone?
I like lots of people

25. The last song you listened to?
Ordinary World- Duran Duran. I must blog a story about that

I think the sound of frying sausages must effect our hearing. I just ran up the stairs to use the loo while the adverts were on. (actually thats probably a little bit more information than the anecdote needs)
OH: Is that you running up the stairs?
Me: Yes, how did you know?
OH: It was the sound of the elephant footsteps running up the stairs
Me: What was that again?
OH: I said it was the sound of the delicate footsteps running up the stairs.

Must be hearing things! For both of us!

Fans of the late comic Ronnie Barker are being given the opportunity to attend a memorial service for him at London's Westminster Abbey. Some tickets for the memorial are still available to those who apply through the abbey.

I got worried there. For a moment I thought it said through e-bay. But it wouldn't surprise me if tickets do end up on e-bay. Check for the title "Ronnie Barker's final appearance"

Barker's comedy partner Ronnie Corbett will deliver the eulogy at the service.

I wonder if he's going to do it from that chair. Hmm

It will take the form of a memorial service but there will probably be lots of laughter as well. It will be a celebratory event rather than a sad one, celebrating Ronnie Barker's life.

And so it should. He was a remarkable talent, and will be greatly missed. For he introdcued me to spoonerisms, and literature. I'm still reading a Sale of Two Titties!

For any Stargate fans.

Go to google and type in 'Stargate Characters'. Then go to the first link listed

How weird! Yesterday I was watching some episodes of the sci-fi show andromeda and I noticed some similarities with the characters from firefly. Is it possible that I have stumbled on the secret recipe for creating a successful Sci-fi show?

Here are the character types:

Type 1: The Macho Captain.
Dylan hunt(Andromeda) = Malcolm Reynolds (Firefly)
Macho hero type leader. Very good with a weapon. Comes up with plans. Has strong sense of loyalty to his crew. Most liekly to have a military background and rank
Othr type 1's: Captain Kirk, Captain Jack O Neill

Type 2: The Strong Female second
Beka Valentine (A) = Zoe (F)
Also good with a weapon. Very loyal to macho hero type 1. Must look good in tight fitting costumes
Other Type 2's: Samantha Carter, Belanna

Type 3. the blonde boyish geek
Seamus Harper (A) = Wash (F)
As stated. Blonde, boyish looks, a bit cheeky. Comes up with most comedy lines. Has a natural gift in one area (probably flying or gadgets). MUST wear hawaiian shirt.
Other Type 3's: Tom Paris, Daniel Jackson,

Type 4: The Muscle
Tyr(A) = Jayne (F)
Gun toting, musclehead. Probably a bit dim. also most likely to try and sell out the crew for money. Has an amazing collection of weapons. Says very little
Other Type 4's: Teal'c, Worf

Type 5: The Cutesy girly, naive type.
Trance (A) = Kaylee(F)
Wonders around in a trnace most of the time. has a cute little smile but there is always a hidden something. Good at tinkering with things and will probably have a crush on another member of the crew.
Other Type 5's: Kes

Type 6: The misfit priest type
Rev Bem (A) = Shepherd Book (F)
A Definite relgious type. probably overcome hardship or tuned against his old ways to follow the faith. Provides direction in moral issues. One episode he must have a crisis of faith. Probably good at killing whne it is 'justified'. When another character has a crisis, he will appear from nowhere from behind to give his guidance
Other tpye 6's: Ambassador DeLenn

It's Sunday. Back to work tomorrow, and I go into a duty week. So lots of late nights and probably no access to my blog because of it's extreme amounts of inappropriate content. Well if they are gonna brand me inappropriate then I might as well live up to it.

That'll learn 'em!
Or perhaps it's not the language they are blocking me for. Perhaps they are blocking me because of my crap writing style and inappropriate use of punctaution. well if I want to add punctuation then I !"'"??! will. Ok!

I have just noticed I am top blog. How is that possible? I got fewer hits yesterday than previously. There must be a mistake.

I have the TV off at the moment. I know- wonders will never cease. I have my iRiver shuffling at the moment. Sing along now "Flash! Ah Aah!"

I have just noticed I have a spot on my bum. It's not that sore though. It's nt like when you have a spot on the inside of your nose, man thats painful.