Enter the Void....

I have noticed that recently I have been unable to access my blog from work. Damn those filters. I got a message saying that the "Web Marshal has logged my attempt" Perhaps it is blocking it due to my next item

I found this via digital spy. Its an article realting to the BBC taking a pornographic DVD off of ebay. The DVD was entitled "Abducted by Daleks" and was a porn movie.

Those readers who have ever wondered in an idle moment how a couple of Daleks would respond to the presence of three naked lesbians romping in their Mothership might recently have found the answer in the shape of a sci-fi smutfest entitled "Abducted by the Daleks".

Apparnetly the girls get naked, are chased around a space ship and the daleks do stranger things with their plungers. I knew those plungers had a purpose!

A new poem.

Lucy Lastic
By CJ

Love conquers all, and If you do something that may offend, blame it on a midsummer night's dream!
Still Great stuff. Johnny Vegas' bottom was a joy to behold,as was the wonderful Sharon Small- whom I spent most of the show thinking "Where have I seen her before?" Until I remembered the Inspector Lynley Mysteries.

I have quickly turned it over to see the end of I'm in the jungle now find me a clelebrity. Jilly Goolden has now gone. At least she has the memory of that Kangaroo Penis! (Which looked like a twiglet to me)
Anway back to the interview.

twiglet anyone?

Shock Horror! Announcement of the year! Someone in Eastenders has a washing machine! Wow. I almost died from the shock.

It's the last of Shakespeare Retold tonight. A midsummers nights dream. If Shakespeare wanted to combine this one with macbeth, would he have created A Midsummer Murders?

Anyway I will have to record Im a celebrity. Kimberleys ribs will just have to wait.

Continued...
During my school day I had to take a lesson where the class had been set an exam question. They had to design a set of portable wooden steps with the top step 700mm from the ground. Some of the designs they made were huge towering contraptions. They felt a bit foolish when I actually showed them how far up off the ground 700mm was. So much for their towers.
I had a lovely buffet lunch with the sixth form and year 11 who were having a sixth form taster day. except there was a little bit too much fish; tuna sandwiches, scampi, deep fried battered prawns and something suspicious in a pancake roll.
This afternoon there was a management meeting which surprised us allby not going on for 2 hours. In fact it was over in 45mins! Yippee. Perhaps it is a cold day in hell too!
So at 5pm I drove home, where the traffic lights at the bridge was causing a long delay!

My god! How dull are my blogs today. Perhaps I wont give as much detail next time.

In the news today:
I saw this headline
NATION OF SHOP LIFTERS
A SHOCKING 3.5 million adults have stolen from a shop in the past five years, a survey reveals.
To be honest if I was the owner of that shop, I'd try and sell it!

Also in the news Kimberley Davies has had an accident whilst jumping out of a helicpoter for a bush tucker trial. She was rushed to hospital after cracking a rib. Poor thing. If only I was there to give her the kiss of life. Still it sounds like she has had a cracking time, I just hope the others don't rib her too much over it!

David Beckham has opened his first academy in London, although no-one is quite sure if it is a football academy or a hair salon.

And finally in Scotland they are trialling new temperature sensitive road signs. I'm not sure what this means- perhaps when it starts to snow the signs start whinging and then go home due to being a little bit chilly

This is a quite detailed account of my morning

Monday 28th November
My alarm went off at 6:10am but I never get up at that time. It theen goes off again at 6:30 am but I never get up at that time. I eventually get out of bed at 6:39 am. I always think that getting up after 6:40 ia a little too late.
I did my ablutions and got dressed. I had a cup of tea (I never eat breakfast that early, I never have)
At 7:25 I leave for work. Sometimes I have to defrost the windscreen but not today because it wasn't that cold this morning. On the way to work I started to listen to the final part of the Dr Who story 'Singularity'.
There are some traffic lights put up as they are repairing the bridge, but it didn't cause that much of a delay this morning. I arrived at work at 7:55am.

to be continued...

So the Cannon has been fired. Meaning Tommy Cannon ha been voted out of the celebrity jungle. Celebrity Jungle sounds like a good term, it sounds like the place where all celebrities are kept (Or is that just wishful thinking?). Also in tonight's show, Monotony Costa started murdering some Tom Jones songs whilst smelly things were dumped on him.. a bit like top of the pops then. Judging by the singing I hope he doesnt have to make a living from it!
Kimberley Davies has been a bit of a let down. All she seems to do is pout and whinge. Still, she looks good.

We have just seen an advert for Housework Songs. My OH just said "I would hate to get that. Imagine if I got that great a CD for me to do the hoovering with! Not that you can hear a thing when you're hoovering!" Now where did I keep the receipt?

Oh well Cest La vie

or as the Birmingham rhapsody ends

Anyway the Pingu's

Loved Bohemian Rhapsody?
Then have a look at this Birmingham Rhapsody in picture form.

Cj

I have just found out my Superhero Identity

Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:

Name: Lightning Guy
Secret Identity: ????? ??????
Special Power: Mystical Chopsticks
Transportation: Quantum Minivan
Weapon: Psychotronic Bolt
Costume: Bulletproof Boots
Sidekick: Hop-a-long Cassie
Nemesis: Eric the Assassin
Tragic Flaw: Addicted to yogurt
Favorite Food: Chocolate

Check out yours here

So look Out Eric the Assassin, My Bulletproof Boots are polished and my mystical chopsticks are heading your way

This weekend I have seen the following films

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Plot: The Tri-Wizard tournament has come to Hogwarts. Harry’s name was unexpectedly pulled from the goblet of fire to be came a participant in the tournament and has to face a series of dangerous trials to become champion. But there is something more sinister at work; the death-eaters have started to move again, which can only mean one thing; Lord Voldemort is about to return.
My Thoughts: This is a very long film (2 and a half hours), especially in a cinema full of kids. However, even though it is long, it still feels a bit rushed; especially if you have read the book and remember all the things that didn’t make I into the film. But it is still a good family film, enough in it to keep you interested all the way through. There is a more human element to it also as the characters also have to face the prospect of dating and finding a partner for the Yule Ball. David Tennant makes a swift but welcome appearance as Barty Crouch Junior, and Miss Jones from Rising Damp also stars as the Giantess Maxime. One under used character in the film is Rita Skeeter (played by the brilliant Miranda Richardson) who I am sure had more of a role in the book.
Best Bit: The entrance of the pupils from the other schools. I wish I could get my pupils to act like those Beauxbaton girls! Also the graveyard scene is a touch scary, judging by the reaction of the kids in the cinema.
Rating: 8/10

Flight Plan
Plot: Kyle Pratt (Jodie Foster) has to take the body of her husband back to America for burial. On the plane her daughter goes missing. She then turns the plane upside down to look for her, putting the whole plane at risk. But the real question is, is there a dastardly plot to hijack the plane, or did the daughter really exist?
My thoughts: I enjoyed this film. For most of the film there was enough uncertainty to keep you thinking, was the daughter real or not? The down side to the film had to be the resolution. Obviously the writers wanted to make an exciting finish so they overlooked some tiny details, such as the plot not really making much sense. If you thought about it too hard you will end up thinking “How on earth did they get away with that” or “that wouldn’t happen”. The trick is not to think about it too hard. Sean Bean plays the airline captain and for once he is not the bad guy!
Best Bit: The way the first half of the film was done made you uncertain as to whether the little girl existed.
Rating ; 7/10

Saturday:

Firstly The X-Factor and at last the Corrnways sisters have gone. Voted out by their own mentor. Still it does mean Chico is still in. Oh joy Oh rapture

Secondly: Im a celebrity and after Cannon and Ball won them 9 stars worth of food, poor old Jenny Frost and Sheree 'Maggot Beard' Murphy were thrown in the jungle jail for not controlling the campers enough.

Had a lovely day out, went to the cinema and had a lovely dinner. Spent the evening in toasting ourselves by the fire and Watching all sorts of TV Cola (Not even Coca-Cola more like Panda Cola)

Cold Watch: I now have chapped lips

Liverpool watch: Slowly climbng up the table, now at number 7 after a 1-0 win against Manchester City

I just thought I would mention that today is our Anniversary. We have been married 11 years today

I'm a little bit annoyed with myself at the moment. At the end of Last week I applied for a job. I filled in the application form and all sorts of forms that went with it, stuck a first class stamp on it and posted it. It had plenty of time to get there. Now the envelope felt quite heavy but i had posted application forms before and have not had problems with it reaching the destination. This morning I received a letter telling me that due to lack of postage the application had arrived late and I could not be considered for the position. How annoying is that! If only I had stuck another stamp on it!
Cold Watch: I am the runny nose and coughing up little bits of phlegm stage

I see that Bookmakers have started opening the betting for Christmas number 1. Here is the list:
01 "X-Factor" winner - title tba (2/5)
02 Nizlopi "JCB Song" (9/2)
03 Westlife/Diana Ross "When You Tell Me..." (9/1)
04 Girls Aloud "See the Day" (25/1)
05 Keedie + England Cricket Team "Jerusalem" (10/1)
06 McFly "Ultraviolet / Ballad of Paul K" (50/1)
07 The Choirboys "Tears In Heaven" (12/1)
08 Robbie Williams "Advertising Space" (20/1)
09 Mariah Carey "Don't Forget About Us" (50/1)
10 Crazy Frog "Jingle Bells" (20/1)

I know I am old but Who the hell is Nizlopi? I have never heard of her. Unsurprisingly the X-Factor winner is top of the list. So Perhaps Christmas Time will be Chico Time.

And now heres a picture of Sheree murphy with a rather nifty little maggot goatee

Tonights Im a celebrity has ended and it seems that Bobby Ball is not making himself popular. His 'leadrship' style was grating on a few. "I cant cook because I have a bad neck"
Antony came across worst though especially during his task. I know that sawing through the tree was tough, but he was a bit of a spoilt wuss about it, even Carol Thatcher showed him up (Although she certainly has the Thatcher Grit about her- and thats not rhyming slang)
But Sid is still making me smile the most. Especially when he couldn't remember saying the quote that was the answer to the chest question.

Quote of the day:

Carol Thatcher "I've lost my lumberjack virginity"

This was the week that was: Here are a few things that have interested me this week.

There are a couple of Australians in my class at the moment who are here as an exchange for a few weeks. They were chatting away very excitedly this afternoon because they had seen their first ever squirrel!
I saw my first ever wild deer grazing at the side of the road home from Tunbridge Wells yesterday. That was amazing.
There has been NO snow here and all the kids are very disappointed. Some of the classroomas were very cold today- 15 degrees, which I believe is too cold to work in according to some union regulation. We complained and got the heating turned up and it rose to 19 degrees. (Apparently the law says the minimum temperature is 17, and I am sure someone here in blogland can confirm)- It's certainly Arctic monkeys weather (See what I did there?)
On Thursday a boy band came to our school to get photographed for an album cover (Unfortunatley I am not allowed to reveal the details) If the picture is used they may donate a 'studio' for the school.
Talking of Boy Bands, Take That are doing a reunion tour! I hope when they break up again I dont have to deal with suicidal kids again!
The parent of a pupil is also going to be on TV tonight. So I may tune it to watch that later

Bye for now

Cj

I have caught up on Yesterdays Episodes of Im a celebrity...
Well done to Carol Thatcher and Jilly Goolden who scored eight stars after having to eat some of the most gross things, including the Kangaroo's testicles and penis- Carol had the balls whilst Jilly had dick. Other yuck things include; The huge fish eye, a cockroach, the wichetee grub and some meal worms. Good on Jilly for commenting on them a la 'Food and Drink'
And there were more Balls around as the 'Eighties Comedy Legends' Cannon and Ball arrived in camp. Sheree 'I love my Harry' Kewell-Murphy had to do a live task by putting several body part into tanks of rats/spiders/eels/etc to retrieve stars. I feel sorry for her because she was having a good rummage around but still couldnt find the stars in some cases. Lucky she didn't have to put her hand in a tank full of Rummages, eh Jojo?

No celebrity Jungle for me tonight, although I have recorded it. I decided to take a trip into Tunbridge Wells and Make the most of late night shopping. I spent ages walking around the shops looking at items that I am going to find chepaer on the internet. I hardly bought a thing. And I got caught in a sudden hail storm- those little pellets of ice dont half hurt!
I was in HMV buying the Arctic Monkeys single when I thought to myself "What ever happened to Our Price records?" I used to love Our Price when I was a kid. What other shops do people miss from their Yoof?

Cold update: I've still got it.

Why is it that I can think of loads of things to Blog about when during the day, but when I come to type it all, I go....... what was I saying?

"I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if your looking for romance or...
I don't know what you're looking for
Well I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
From 1984!"

Poor old Kimberley, pushing her way through spider infested webs, breaking open ants nest and wimping out before getting to the 'dark' areas. I dont blame her I wouldnt like it. Still Dec looked happy when he had to wipe her down. (Jealous? Moi?)
I'm glad the public didnt choose Shereeeee for the bush tucker trial, as that would just involve squealing and no action. At least with Carol and Jilly, they might get some down them! I remember how good Jenny Bond was a few years back. It takes a strong woman with a strong stomach to do the bush tucker trial!
Sid is still making me laugh though.

Spurred on by Graemephillipsuk blog about Morris Minor and the Majors' Stutter rap, I thought I would post the lyrics to 'this is the chorus' I found it on the web!

This is a disco hit
And writing four every week is our own kind of thing
Though they may
Be
Shhhhhure to get you dancing
You don't seem to mind if they all sound the same
Well we don't care what the words are about
If the beat is right then our success will grow
And on and on we keep churning them out
'cause we put the S in 'hits' you know

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

We meet up, each day
And write dozens of songs until 'Neighbours' begins
See that girl, we could be producing
(Kylie voice) We should be so lucky
That's all she sings

Call us derivative, you may be right
People who rate us they're bizarre (unclear lyric)
But you can't argue (unclear lyric) the songs that we write
Are as original as Andrew Lloyd Webber's are

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

(Mel and Kim voice) F-L-M
Fun, love and monotony

This isn't the chorus
It's coming up soon though

We don't care if a girl sings our lines
Just as long as she is delectable
And you may say our success is a crime
But it ain't never gonna be detectable, detectable

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

This is the key change
This is the key change
It's a standard device to stop us sounding mundane
This is the key change
Our fabulous key change
And now we've done it once so we won't do it again

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

(Kylie voice) And if you're lucky, lucky, lucky
You won't hear it again

(pause)

And this is the chorus...

Sitting by the fire listening to the new Will young album is very relaxing, althought I am sure that fire isn't as hot as it used to be! The new album is good, but I think Fridays Child could never be bettered.
Favourite tracks on the new album; Switch it on- love the way it builds up throughout the track; All time love- very mellow and a great ballad; Save yourself another slowie but with a strong melody- I am sure I have heard it before.

Other Albums I ahve bought recently are Kaiser Chiefs and Franz Ferdinand (upon reccomendation)
The Kaiser Chiefs album is good, and I love the 'I predict a riot' track. As for Franz Ferdinand, well its growing on me...

Is it just me or is it getting colder?
Some of the pupils are getting excited at the prospect of snow and therefore not being able to get in. When I was a kid my mum made me go to school in every weather! "Ok so there is a little bit of flooding, but you can swim can't you"
The chilly air is making cough a lot, which is very irritating

It looks like poor Louis Walsh has had a hissy fit and quit the X-Factor. (Did I hear some cynic say 'publicty') He feels picked on because wittle Shawon Thwew some water over wittle Wouis.
I bet he'll be there on Saturday though

I have just bought the new Will Young album so I'm going to listen to that now

More Celebrity Jungle fun and I have to say Sid Owen is making me laugh the most. On his description of what 'Kangaroo Court'may be about he said "I think it's something to do with Kangaroos"
And then when the celebs were told not to urinate in the camp, Sid ended up worried in case he was urinating in his sleep! Ahh bless

The Kangaroo task was difficult, so I'm not surprised the long haired lover didnt get more than five. I am sure that it will come as no surprise that I am looking forward to tomorrows challenge. Aaah kimberley!

And Elaine appears to be slumming it in that five star hotel. She wont be returning but will we get a replacement? Perhaps Cannon and Ball are on standby? We can but worry.

What I have been doing today
1) Trying not to lose my voice. I hate this cold; it seems to be going on forever. I'm at the sore throat- cough every time i draw in breath-hoarse and sexy voice stage
2) Flashing in the trees. Perhaps I had better explain myself. I have been running a code breakers club and today we were practising the morse code out in the dark with torches. Muddy but fun
3) Drinking wine. Red Wine. So reeeelaxing, especially whilst plonked on a cushion in front of the open fire and cuddling a loved one.
4) Ebay Wars: Haha I have just bid for something on ebay in the last minute and won it. I have now got that smug feeling.

Life isnt that bad.

Cheers everyone and enjoy Tuesday night. Or as Tiny Tim said in A Christmas Carol, "Oh Bugger, Uncle Scrooge is coming"

Cj

And now I have finished watching I'm a celebrity. The good thing about watching a recording of ITV is that you can fast forward all the adverts, which is a blessing especially just before christmas.

I enjoyed watching The Thatch try driving over that ravine. I hate heights and I would have been packing it! definietly a brown trouser moment. As for everyone else, it was quite uneventful. I think Jilly and Carol would be a nightmare to,live with in that camp. Little jimmy osmaond got a tick (eurgh) David Dickinson checked but I think he has more problems with woodworm. Anyway, the ticks wouldnt be able to penetrate the leather upholstery.

So that was the taming of the shrew! My god they really got a very shrew like woman. I did enjoy it and I cant imagine how a woman a small as her would ever give birth to triplets! But can someone explain to my why she didnt dump him at the altar?

It reminds me of another of my favourite films "10 things I hate about you" with the very lovely Julia Styles. Here is the poem from that film

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close…
Not even a little bit…
Not even at all.

Oh what a to-do. Tis the taming of the shrew on BBC 1 and I'm a celebrity on ITV. (It doesnt happen often that I fancy something on both sides). Oh I can record one of them. well then, that was much ado about nothing after all.

I have just finished watching the first episode of IACGMOOH. And here are my thoughts:

The celebrities
David dickinson: Old Pinocchio himself, I might not be able to distinguish him from the trees. Hes not my favourite person.
Sid Owen: A soap star who I havent see do anything since. I suppose a bit of eye candy for the girls
Anthony Costa: Some singer from Blue. Yawn.
Jenny frost: I actually dont know who she is
Kimberlay Davies: A bit of a babe. Yum
Jilly Goolden: I liked her on the food guide show. I suppose she is this series 'Jenny Bond' we'll see
Carol Thatcher: I bet she will cause a stir with her views at some point. And to be honest there has been enough of a view of her already!
Elaine Lordan: Ex Slater. Another soap star followed by contoversy.
Sheree murphy. Another soap star but with the aaah factor
Jimmy Osmond: Why is her here?

I did feel sorry for Elaine Lordan dropping out, but had she stayed in the camp you know the bastard that is the british public would have chosen her for the bush tucker trial.
Kimberley was a trooper crossing that high wire
Poor sheree (Aaah) didnt want to jump out of the plane, but at least she gave it a go.
Sid and David were like Laurel and Hardy on that Trial going up and down the tree- very funny. I'm not sure how anyone could have got all ten stars in the time limit though.

And Carol Thatcher... Eew! Talk about pissing on your own doorstep. Wouldnt that stink?

Well I am now officially in the mood for some hot action... in the jungle. After a difficult decision of whether to watch Bill and Teds Bogus Journey ( God gave rock and roll to you) I decided to watch the Paul Burrell Documentary in ITV2.
I say documentary in its loosest term- after all it was no David Attenborough. But it reminded me of some of the fun things that went on last year; Natalie Aplleton "I touched a tree" Jordan and her juicy fish wife er eye. And Burrell at his camp best. Boy did he scream at everything.

And it less than an hour for the next one to start. AndI am really looking forward to it. They say its gonna be the worst one yet!

Blogily Fortunes

I didnt ask 100 people...
What are the top ten Things that are kept in a mans wallet?
Have a guess and put it in the comments.
If it's right I will add it to the list

Mans Wallet

1) Money/notes
2) Credit Cards
3) Photos
4) ??????????????
5) ??????????????
6) Condom
7) Stamps
8) Membership cards
9) ??????????????
10) ??????????????

Last night I managed to catch up with the episode of Lost that I didnt see during the week because I watched the Take That documentary.

I also saw the X-Factor and the Corrnway Sisters got through again. Sharon may have chosen to dump Nick to spite Lpuis who dumped Maria last week. Having said that Nick was rubbish and saung well out of tune. The judges said he sung flat but I'm not sure about something... I seem to remember on the piano keyboard the flat notes were slightly lower than the notes and the sharp notes were slightly higher than the notes. Anyway this boy Nick was singing out of tune but pitching the notes slightly too high.. So does that mean he was singing too sharp???

Also nice to see Liverpool continue its rise up the table. 3-0 against Portsmouth (who are not doing very well). And an extra specialmention to Peter Crouch..aaahh.. bless him.

So here's how the Prem table looks at the moment!
1 Chelsea .....34
2 Wigan........25
3 Man Utd......24
4 Arsenal......23
5 Bolton.......23
6 Man City.....21
7 Tottenham....20
8 Liverpool....19
9 Charlton.....19
10 West Ham....18

Wigan still number 2? How long will that last?

Murphy's Technology Laws

1. You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
2. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
3. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something that either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
4. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
5. If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
6. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
7. The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
8. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
9. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
10. All great discoveries are made by mistake.
11. Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
12. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
13. All's well that ends.
14. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
15. The first myth of management is that it exists.
16. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
17. New systems generate new problems.
18. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
19. We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
20. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
21. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
22. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
23. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.
24. Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
25. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
26. To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
27. After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
28. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
29. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
30. If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
31. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
32. Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
33. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
34. If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
35. The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
36. In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
37. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
38. All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
39. The only perfect science is hindsight.
40. Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
41. If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
42. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
43. When all else fails, read the instructions.
44. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
45. Everything that goes up must come down.
46. Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
47. Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
48. Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
49. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

Murphy's Love Laws

1. All the good ones are taken.
2. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
3. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
4. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
5. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
6. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
7. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
8. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
9. Nice guys(girls) finish last.
10. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
11. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.

Murphy's laws

1. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
2. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
3. Everything takes longer than you think.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
10. Mother nature is a bitch.
11. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
12. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
13. Every solution breeds new problems.

I see Simon Cowell is in the paper criticising the Corrnway Sisters and wishing he hadn't chosen them. But he said he would show his support in public! Well this article was in the paper... not much a show of public support there then!

It wouldnt surprise me if The Nolanway sisters were out tonight. Chico will get through.. he's becoming a national institution (The british version of Ronald McDonald if you ask me)

Well I am now going to eay my Gingsters Pastie. I decided to microwave it, even though I hate the way it makes the pastry go soggy. But I couldn't be arsed to put the oven on.

For all you fact-heads out there, here are a few I found

1) The Bible is the most shoplifted book in the US
2) The Armadillo is the only animal- other than humans- that can catch leprosy
3) A pig orgasm lasts for 30 minutes (It's true, just ask Rebecca Loos)

Whilst flicking through the internet I came across this article. It interested me because I occasionally wear Bow ties for work

In an age where casual dress at work is more the rule than the exception, there are still some men who are tied to a traditional, highly professional look.

"It goes along with an image and being different," Hinkley says. "There's very little in men's clothing that's different. Grey suit, white shirt. But a bow tie is one way you can be different and classy."

Saturday Morning and I have got a rotten cold! (Did I catch it off you, Colin?) I hate it when I sneeze and it sprays onto the screen!

Last night was Children in Need. Highlights for me were
Doctor Who- now I just want the new series to start
Catherine Tate "Do you know Chas and Dave?"
and surprisingly
Peter Andre and Jordon singing, and actually doing quite a good job. Considering that most of the other singers on the night were not doing such a great job.
Lowlights for me were:
Embarrasing mum Madonna, dressed up like a christmas decoration
Me-tasha Me-plinsky and Terry Wig-on. Move over for someone else, please.

So right now I am going to Watch Da Bungalow whilst digging into my bowl of cocopops. It is one of those little boxes you get in packs of eight. I dont normally have them but there were some left over from when my family came over for bonfire night.

Thanks to Scoffle I have had some wonderful news...

Kimberley Davies (Annalise from Neighbours) is gonna be in the celebrity jungle. I can't wait

Tissues at the ready........ (To wipe up the drool, you dirty lot!)

I am watching Children in Need at the moment. looking forward to seeing a 900 year old hero do his stuff. No, not Terry Wogan break dancing, but Doctor Who
I just saw Madonna singing her song 'I'm bunged up' or something. She wasn't singing very well, and I'm not too enamoured about the song! When I was young she seemed so cool, now she just seems to me like one of those embarrassing mothers you get on School sports day!

Still enough about Madonna and more about Kimberley Heres a pic

Whilst sitting in the Exam hall this morning, my eyes were drawn outside. (Whilst still being ever vigilant in the hall in case any of the Spotty 'Erberts do something cheaty). I noticed the mist rising off the swimming pool and it inspired this next poem.

Winter Mornings
By Cj

Winter Mornings, Sunny days
Silver dawn and misty haze
Frosted leaves with brittle edge
Diamond crystals coat the hedge
Footprints mark the path of ice
Winter mornings, feel so nice.

Now I'm sure there's work I should be doing......

This kept me busy.. at least for a couple of minutes

http://www.pagetutor.com/idiot/idiot.html

Has anyone watched that program Eggheads? It was just on BBC2. There are five eggheads- all people that have won quizz shows in the past,(One of them is called CJ, but it's not me) and they take on challengers from the public! How is it possible that this group of eggheads know so much???? It's unnatural. And why oh why don't they just answer the question? Why do they always have to go into some random anecdote?

If you are looking for a blast from the past try this
www.spectaculator.com Its a downloadable program that simulates the old ZXSpectrum and games. I have just bee playing Manic minor. Oh the memories! The ZxSpectrum was my very first computer.

I have had 999 comments so far. The next person to leave a comment will get be the thousandth person!

On the news at the moment, they are reporting about pensions. I am so going to be screwed when I get old. By the time I get to retirement age I am sure that they will have raised it to 100!

Take That: Reunion show
It certainly brought back a few memories, like talking about fan reaction when they split up (If you're reading this Jennifer, I hope you've got over it now)
I never realised though how rude they were on tour! I was shocked. I also never realised how camp Jason Orange is!
It was quite a touching moment when Robbie did his apologies to the others on the video. (Did they really think he would show? He is way bigger than their little reunion show)
Still I am sure their is a best of album on the way.
And here is my tribute to the real take that:

Hi everyone.
It is CJ here. The real CJ! Just in case you have all read what happened to Helly. Shocking that someone can take your pesonality and trade it off as their own. It's like having your own Evil Bill or Evil Ted (From Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey- love that film;playing twister with Death)

My day has gone quite well. I am looking forward to the rest of the week though, loads to look forward to....
Tonight: Lost and a lovely curry
Thursday night: New series of Little Britain and The worst week of my life
Friday night: Children in need with a special Doctor Who bit. I dont normally watch this sort of thing, I'm not a fan of Terry Wogan, but I will make an exception this time

Reality TV News
Ozzy osborne has warned that contestants who are voted off the x-factor may suffer from mental trauma when they return to work. Luckily for him, staying in the business has kept him totally level-headed!

Channel 4 are producing a new show where contestants are conned into believing they are going into space. Some people are so gullible. (I still can't believe they took that word out of the dictionary!)

Take That! (Come on come on come on Take That... and Partay)
They have got back together again. But without Robbie Williams. And why would they think that Robbie would join them? He has become a lot more famous than any of the others (Ken Barlow, Michael Owen, Howard the Duck and Oranges and Lemons). Has any of those done a voice over for the Magic Roundabout? I think not!
But I was always a Take That fan. I even saw them on tour.. the one where they had Lulu join them to do re-light my fire! It was such a great show!
And I also remember the day they split up. I was working in a girls school and I had gotten into work and heard all this wailing coming from one of the classrooms. The girls were in tears! "Oh my god!" I thought, "Someone has died" But when I did my 'concerned adult' bit, thats when they told me "Take that have split up" and they continued to cry hysterically"
Teenage Girls! huh!

So what is your favourite Take That song?

Mine would be .... Satisfied!

How to desribe my lessons today. I will use an old poem

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Which most people think are the first few lines of Jabberwocky, but really it was written by a teacher after a difficult year 9 class!

And here is the translation:

Twas Brillig....... It was after assembly
And the Slithy Toves ..... Needs no translation!
Did Gyre ... Did Moan
And Gimble ... and Whinge
in the wabe .... in their seats
All mimsy were the borogroves.... All rubbish were the test results
And the mome raths ... And the Wrath of the mothers
Outgrabe... Got me fired!

Haha. Not really. I have had quite a good day today. But still it is good to be home

Macbeth. I have just watched it and thought it was great. But did they have to show that Pigs head at the beginning????
It was interesting to see the decline into madness for the Macbeths.
Next week it is The Taming of the shrew! Which leads me to mention one of my favourite films; 10 things I hate about you with Julia styles, which was based on that play!

PS dont mention Gordon Ramsey- It's the Scottish Chef!

My year 11 girls had there first GCSE modules today. I hope they did okay. The question were typical, and things we have covered, but they do have trouble retaining anything. They often cannot remember what they did the day before!
I'm not on duty this week so it didnt bother me that there was another fire alarm today.
Home now and I am looking forward to watching Macbeth later. Just had a nice plate of Chili Concarne- which warms up the cold night.

This is Monday and I owned it
Bright and Early
Ready for the day
Crisp shirt, smart tie, Best suit
Full of good intentions
Full of Toast and Coffee
Revelations
Complications
Satisfaction
Good days work
Chilly outside and Chili inside
Feet up, Head down
This is Monday and I owned it

This poem was inspired by the poem 'Now' written on Bizopps Blog.

This is Sunday and I love it

A feeling of completion
Bacon and eggs and Tea
Watching TV under the Duvet
White wine and lasagne
Preparation for a week ahead
Clean white shirt on the hanger
Cuddles and smiles
Coffee and Biscuits
This is Sunday
And I love it

Now heres another game for y'all. I have asked 100 people (Actually I didnt, but I found the list)

What are the top ten Things that Parents say to kids as warnings?
Have a guess and put it in the comments.
If it's right I will add it to the list

Parental Warnings

1 Look both ways
2 Don't talk to strangers
3 Don't play with matches
4 ?????????????????????
5 ?????????????????????
6 Don't play in the road
7 ?????????????????????
8 Don't put your finger in the socket
9 Don't talk with your mouth full
10 Don't come into the room without asking

I have been flicking around Digitalspy to find out opinion on the England / Argentia game, and I cannot believe the discussion that I see. People found it hard to focus on the game because of the size of Alan Shearer's testicles!

Read it for yourself here

This weekend I have seen The Brothers Grimm

Plot: The Brothers Grimm, Jacob and Will, have made a living by conning villagers in Germany by researching old folk tales, faking them and charging lots of money to rid the villagers of the ‘evils’. They are uncovered by Delatombe (Jonathon Pryce) who offers them a chance for a pardon; they have to go to the village of Marbaden where children have been mysteriously disappearing. Their investigation uncovers an enchanted forest, a wicked queen and a 500 year old curse; the kind of things they have been faking for years!
My thoughts: It is quite a dark film which relies on the atmosphere to enhance the storyline, and not the acting of the cast, which in my mind was not that memorable. I found Jonathon Pryce’s French accent not very convincing. However there is some good dialogue and some funny moments. There are also a few yuk moments (The Toad and the Kitten for example- If you’ve seen it, you’ll know what I mean). The storyline does drag in places and the film could have been about 15 minutes shorter. However the end is good, if just a little bit predictable. What is interesting are the many references to fairy tales. They are dotted around everywhere, and part of the fun of the film for me was spotting them.
Best bit: The gingerbread man scene
Score 6/10

Happy 200th anniversary everyone. This is my 200th blog!. My cold, which has been hanging around in the background for ages has now decided to manifest into it's full glory. There are juices flowing from almost everywhere in my head.
I am celebrating though. I managed to defeat the Metal Gear and have now completed the acid game. The ending didnt make much sence though, but I wont worry about it.
It's also Remembrance Sunday. We had our two minutes silence at school on Friday, which was not easy as it was during break time and there were a lot of them to keep quiet. But they were very good and they all respected the silence.
It is important that we never forget the sacrifices that was made by those during the wars Not just the world wars, bu the recent gulf wars too.

Celebrity news
The new sereis of I'm a celebrity get me out of here is going to start soon and the Celebs have jetted off to Australia to prepare. The Celebs are "Jenny Frost, Elaine Lordan, Sid Owen, Carol Thatcher, Jilly Goolden, Sheree Murphy, Anthony Costa, Cannon and Ball and Jimmy Osmond (According to the paper)
There is already a hoo-ha over the amount the contestants are earning as Jenny Frost is being paid £100,000 for appearing and most of the others ar getting £25,000.
One of the others who was not nameed had said "After all the hoo-ha with Jordan being paid so much more when she appeared, we thought it was a flat rate of £25,000 and nothing more. To find out Jenny is earning so much more from the show is just astonishing. It's created a lot of bad blood before any of the celebs have even got on the plane." Woo-hoo. FIGHT! FIGHT!

Personally I am looking forward to the show, and I am pleased that I am not the only one that uses the term hoo-ha!
PS I certainly wouldnt use 'Jordan' and 'flat' in the same sentence

Tonights X-factor has just been on- No need to panic Colin!
And all I can say is- If Chico doesnt go then I'll eat my bow ties!
I thought that the Conways and Journey South were good tonight! I love Bon Jovi tracks- epsecially the old ones. Slippery when wet is one of my favourite albums
Nick was awful with his 'I believe I can fly' all I can say is.. prove it and fly away!
Andy is boring.
Shane was just trying to be Justine Trousersnake and ended up just being trying!
The girls, Brenda and Maria are still good.

Prediction: Bottom two Nick and Chico and Nick will go because for some reason the judges like Frico!

CHINESE PROVERBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Without rice, even the cleverest housewife cannot cook. But she can still burn water.... (from prydwen)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn (From jojo52)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Only Foolish man eat yellow snow
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

What happened? Dick and Dom off the air for the Lord Mayors show! They weren't expecting that!

Personal news
Good Morning. I am feeling quite bright considering how much I drank last night. It was a good night, lot's to talk about although I don't usually hold with the idea of teachers socialising as all they seem to talk about is school.
I managed to get through the end of the week without another fire drill! I'm not on duty again until January, so that's good too!

Television news
I see ITV are planning a new Sci-Fi series to go head -to-head with Doctor Who. IT's called Primaeval and It's about a man who goes back in time to see what happened to his wife, who dissapeared into a black hole
I also hear Men and Motors are producing another rival show. It's about a man who goes back to find out where his dinner is after his wife had disappeared into the kitchen.

Movie News
It looks like the new Indiana Jones movie may go ahead with Harrison ford in the role. But I think he may be getting too old to play the action hero.
So what film titles could there be?
Raiders of the lost Pension?
Indiana Jones and the Thermos of Tea? or the Tea-cosy of Doom?

PSP News
I thnk I have nearly finished Metal Gear Acid! (I know I've been at it for ages) I'm at the part where I'm attacking the Metal Gear at the end! It can't go on for much longer can it? I want to start GTA:Liberty City Stories

Doctor Who News
Billie is quitting. She won't stay for a third series. Perhaps they just didn't Pay the Piper enough! Rats!

Just a quick Blogette to say that I am going out later on. Bevvies with my mates (Hic)
I am at a parents evening at the moment, so its
"Your daughter is finding the work challenging
or
"Your daughter is extremely lively
or
"Your daughter is not afraid to express her opinions

Here is a question for you all. I was just reading JakandSarahs blog and it reminded me of interviews
The question is...
What is the strangest question you have ever been asked in an interview?

I was once asked to prove that a table wasn't moving! That was at my University interview

But one job interview I got asked, If I was god, what would I change?

Well, I'm back home and I'm glad to say I made it through the whole day without having to deal with a fire drill.
I embarrassed a pupil today- Well she embarrassed herslef really.
(For the purposes of the next part I will call myself Mr Pink and another member of male staff Mr Black)
I was doing a tour of the school and I had gone to the IT room to check everything was OK. One girl had obviously not seen that I was behind her, as she was chatting with a friend. She then yelled across to her friend "Who do you say I'd get off with? Mr Pink or Mr Black?" Everyone else knew I was behind her so I just waited for the realisation to dawn on her. She then went bright red!! Poor thing- NOT!

I wonder if Letitia Dean ever looks at that horrible painting of her in the Vic (The one with the pink fluffy jumper) and ever wants to burn it?

I'm sure I've got a version of Tourettes where every time I think of a crap joke I have to say it out loud! We wreust watching the Bill and WPC The-Nolan-Sister just said "I've found your photographs in your shoe" And Immediatley I said out loud "That's nothing, we found your socks in the picture frame" Ho-hum I said it was a crap joke!

And now for any Doctor Who fans. A sneak preview of what the new Cybermen will look like!

I swapped my duty around with someone else, so I could get home early. Guess what, there was no fire drill today. They must be waiting for tomorrow when I am back on!
I saw a colleague coming out of the toilet carrying her coffee mug. That got me thinking. Why did she need to take it in there? Perhaps she got caught short in the lesson and needed a quick depository.
Anyone else getting that Bloghead commenting about Hong Kong? I keep deleting loads- except for the last one, which I have changed via editing
Lost is on tonight. I am really looking forward to it. Claire has returned. I wonder if she still has the baby? And that boy Walter is a bit freaky. Is he making those polar bears appear with his special powers?
Little Britain returns next week. Some new characters are planned including some competition for Bubbles (See Pic Below) We go to see the show next month!

Here's a funny thing I heard in my lesson today. I was teaching about cones and I said that the best way to draw the base of the object is to 'draw an ellipse' I then heard one of my 'Monte Christons' say "Wow! that work's." So I went over to her ato see what she was doing. She was putting ink on her mouth and then pressing it on the paper.
"No" I told her after I realized what she was doing "I said draw an ellipse, not draw on your lips!"
You couldn't make it up!

Another long day at the Centre for Information dispersal. There were two fire drills today. Someone put sparklers on a birthday cake and it set of the smoke sensors! There was also a drill yesterday. On my bloody duty week too! I am hoping for one every day so that I can make the full set.
Just finished watching 'Carry On, Follow that Chrissie' (AKA Eastenders) Who thinks that Ian's buying of the Vic will suddenly go tits up?

I have just found out that Michael Owen has produced his own line of Menswear. its' called 'Ten'. Probably named after the highest number he can count to

It was another late day at work today. It's the start of another Duty week, so I wasn't home until 7pm. At least I didn't miss Eastenders. And the award for 'most convoluted and predicatable plot outcome' goes to Ruby for walking in on Jonny as he threatened the Mitchells with the gun, after they tried to force him to hand over the video tape with the incriminating evidence of Chrissie telling Jake that she killed Den. (Gasps for breath)
And then the thing I had been looking forward to (As was our friendly Hobbit). The BBC's retelling of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. I remember watching the film with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson. (I say with, I don't mean they were with me. I'm not Name dropping like other Bloggers I mean they were in it )
The chemistry between Benedick and Beatrice alwys intrigued me. And Billie Piper too. (Hmmmm) Well done! Great Show

Editted in: The Other retelling of shakespeare that I loved was Terry Pratchett's book Wyrd Sisters! Great version of Macbeth

As we are fast approaching Christmas here is a little story to help you get in the mood.

Mr and Mrs Smith had twin daughters. Every year they always bought them the same gifts, however the twin girls were completely different. One of them was an eternal optimist and the other was an eternal pessimist. One year, the Smiths decided that they would try something different to see how the girls reacted. On Christmas Eve they filled the pessimist daughter's room with the best presents and all the new toys and games. They filled the Optimist daughter's room full of horse manure. They then waited for Christmas morning.

Early the next morning they could hear the sounds of the girls awaking to open their presents. As they pressed their ears to the pessimist daughter's door, they could hear moans and whines. They opened the door to talk to her
"Why are you moaning?" They asked "You have all the best things"
"I know," the daughter replied. "But I just know that the toys will break, the games will lose all their pieces, and all these other things need batteries that will run out. I don't like the colours and this thing makes too much noise!"
They then went and pressed their ears against the optimist daughter's door. They could hear the cries of happiness and joy. They opened the door to talk to her and they saw her jumping around joyfully amongst the muck
"Why are you so happy?" They asked, "All you have got is a room full of manure"
"I know" She replied, "But somewhere in here there's bound to be a pony!"

Sent to me by a friend.
This was apparently an answer given by a pupil for the question 'find x'

What I did today
I have spent much of the day relaxing after a wild night of firecrackers and windy whizzbombs.
This morning my family left after a relaxing breakfast(mmm... bacon sandwiches) I then had a little nap and watched Top Gun.

Whats in the News
Richard Whiteley's will is causing problems. Perhaps he wante to share his collection of Art. His waife came in and asked for 'one from the top and any other five'

I saw a headline 'NHS cuts job blow for nurses' which a TOTALLY mis-read

A small town is going to turn off it's Christmas lights because the idea of Christmas maybe offensive to non-christians. But Christmas hasn't been about Christianity for years, so why get offended now? The only real offense are to people who are Santa-atheists (Santatheists?)!

And Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas won five golden Joysticks at an award ceremony, incuding best game Hero, who's name happens to be CJ!

Spent last night at the Battle Bonfire. The weather was brilliant. There was no rain that I could feel. There were thousands of people there too, so the whole place was buzzing!
My family enojyed it even though my Neice found the loud banging of the firecrackers hard to cope with.

This Morning: Rain

PS (What happened in the X-Factor last night?)

reach up for the sunrise
put your hands into the big sky
you can touch the sunrise
feel the new day enter your life

By Duran Duran

It's still sunny

This morning I was up early. I had to go to Tesco's to get some food for the hordes that are coming over tonight. We are going to have a home-made KFC so I have bought a bucket load of chicken pieces, oven chips and tons of coleslaw. (All thats missing is lashing of Ginger beer then we could be the famous five! )
Unfortunately we only have a small frige Freezer (editted from dreezer) and I have had to make room. Which leads me to a confession... To make room in the fridge/freezer, for breakfast I have had some McCain Microchips and A dish of left over pasta. Yum Yum.
The weather at the moment is good. It is sunny outside at the moment. Ihave also looked at the weather channel and it forcasts NO RAIN for Battle tonight! But let us wait and see.

Firstly a quick joke

"A bloke went to a fancy dress party with a naked woman attached to his back. The host asks 'What have you come as?'
'A snail' was the reply.
'Then why have you got a woman on your back?'
'That's not a woman- said the bloke, 'That's Michelle!'"

And now a weather report. Tomorrow its gonna rain. Loads and loads and loads.
I'm going to the Battle Bonfire and its gonna Piff down. Grrr.

News from the BBC about Doctor Who.
The special will transmit on Christmas Day. Cancel those plans. David Tennant and Billie Piper will face The Christmas Invasion on 25 December itself. No time slot has currently been confirmed, but get ready for a great day in with the family.

What I am listening to at the moment

Angel
By Erasure

I love the imagery.
Fly like an angel wings unfurling
Fanning the flames of Love eternal

OK It is time for me to embrace my Geekhood. I am a geek. I do Geeky things. I have now even ben profiled a GEEK. (At least I understand that. UnderWaterbusdriving????????)

So I embrace it

For the good book says "The Geek shall inherit the Earth"

If So, Can I have Norway?

Edit: Doctor Joke

Patient: So what's wrong with me?
Doctor: You have a short term memory
Patient: .... So what's wrong with me?

I have been a bit naughty to my Other Half. She has just said to me "They'll be saying goodbye to Seff later"
"Seff"?
"Yes Seff from Emmerdale"
"Oh you mean Seth" It's the first time I have noticed that sometimes her th's sound like ff's
We then spent a few moments trying to get her to say it but every time she tried to say the 'TH' It kept coming out 'FF'

"I'm glad you didn't go to university" I told her
"Why?"
"You'd have had trouble handing in your Theses!"

We had a good laugh over that though. (no othence was taken)

Today I went to London. It was a school trip to the National Gallery. But the journey there was a lot more colourful then the Art I saw when I got there.
Firstly there was a mad woman at the station who had started talking to some of the girls about her cats. And how there were men in white vans that came around at 3 in the morning to kidnap the cats, strangle them and throw the bodies in the river wrapped in sacks. She was nice

Then on the train I was sitting opposite a woman who was obviously in her 'mobile office' She was on the phone to her company (Which is obviously in PR). Here is a snippet
"I've spoken to Davina McCall and she's on board. She'll be available. And (flickd through diary) I see Rick Stein will be available soon. He's in France at the moment doing something French. (Pause) Oh yes we've got loads of people. Did I mention Davina McCall?"

It was an interesting Journey

After my Blog earlier about the police force, I was not surprised to see this article in the paper. It includes the following questions asked in the entrance exam for the police force

Q1: A purse was found with one £5 note, four 20p coins, and five 2p coins. How much did the purse contain altogether? £5.10, £5.22, £5.82, £5.85 or £5.90?
Q2: A car park has space for 220 cars per floor. How many can fit on three floors? 440, 460, 640, 660 or 680?
Q3: A work shift begins at 14.15 and lasts for six hours. What time does it end? 20.15, 16.15, 20.45, 22.30 or 19.45?

Chief inspector of Schools Chris Woodhead said about the standards "They are way below GCSE and we know that GCSE is not exactly a mind-stretching examination these days."

Technology is letting me down. My Sky system has packed up. (Service not available) I will assume it is due to the weather. I hope Idon't have to get the engineers in again
My mobile phone seems to be running its battery down very quickly, and I hardly ever use it. (boohoo - no friends)
And my PSP seems to be playing up and making me do really badly in the Metal Gear Acid game (No I still haven't finished the game). I'm sure it's not my game playing as I am excellent.

Here is Jose Mourinho saluting Arsene Wenger. But what is the caption?

Now I'm smiling. A win for Liverpool and a Lose for Chelsea have put us ahead in the group G Champions League table

1 Liverpool 10
2 Chelsea 7
3 Real Betis 6
4 Anderlecht 0

(And did you know that Anderlecht is an anagram of Chandler E.T.)

Whats being said here?

At the back of a cupboard, Behind lots of boxes that I haven't opened in years, I found a folder. This folder was covered in dust. It had not been opened for years but I recognised it. It contained the lyrics of songs that I had written when i was 14. 14 years old and determined to be a pop artist. As I read them, I cringe quietly to myself as I remember wanting to be the next member of Frankie Goes to Holliwood. (Please tell me that I am not the only one that has one of these folders)

Anyway I thought I would use this blog to record one of those songs.

Yes I really did write that on that date!