I have noticed that recently I have been unable to access my blog from work. Damn those filters. I got a message saying that the "Web Marshal has logged my attempt" Perhaps it is blocking it due to my next item

I found this via digital spy. Its an article realting to the BBC taking a pornographic DVD off of ebay. The DVD was entitled "Abducted by Daleks" and was a porn movie.

Those readers who have ever wondered in an idle moment how a couple of Daleks would respond to the presence of three naked lesbians romping in their Mothership might recently have found the answer in the shape of a sci-fi smutfest entitled "Abducted by the Daleks".

Apparnetly the girls get naked, are chased around a space ship and the daleks do stranger things with their plungers. I knew those plungers had a purpose!

A new poem.

Lucy Lastic
By CJ

Love conquers all, and If you do something that may offend, blame it on a midsummer night's dream!
Still Great stuff. Johnny Vegas' bottom was a joy to behold,as was the wonderful Sharon Small- whom I spent most of the show thinking "Where have I seen her before?" Until I remembered the Inspector Lynley Mysteries.

I have quickly turned it over to see the end of I'm in the jungle now find me a clelebrity. Jilly Goolden has now gone. At least she has the memory of that Kangaroo Penis! (Which looked like a twiglet to me)
Anway back to the interview.

twiglet anyone?

Shock Horror! Announcement of the year! Someone in Eastenders has a washing machine! Wow. I almost died from the shock.

It's the last of Shakespeare Retold tonight. A midsummers nights dream. If Shakespeare wanted to combine this one with macbeth, would he have created A Midsummer Murders?

Anyway I will have to record Im a celebrity. Kimberleys ribs will just have to wait.

Continued...
During my school day I had to take a lesson where the class had been set an exam question. They had to design a set of portable wooden steps with the top step 700mm from the ground. Some of the designs they made were huge towering contraptions. They felt a bit foolish when I actually showed them how far up off the ground 700mm was. So much for their towers.
I had a lovely buffet lunch with the sixth form and year 11 who were having a sixth form taster day. except there was a little bit too much fish; tuna sandwiches, scampi, deep fried battered prawns and something suspicious in a pancake roll.
This afternoon there was a management meeting which surprised us allby not going on for 2 hours. In fact it was over in 45mins! Yippee. Perhaps it is a cold day in hell too!
So at 5pm I drove home, where the traffic lights at the bridge was causing a long delay!

My god! How dull are my blogs today. Perhaps I wont give as much detail next time.

In the news today:
I saw this headline
NATION OF SHOP LIFTERS
A SHOCKING 3.5 million adults have stolen from a shop in the past five years, a survey reveals.
To be honest if I was the owner of that shop, I'd try and sell it!

Also in the news Kimberley Davies has had an accident whilst jumping out of a helicpoter for a bush tucker trial. She was rushed to hospital after cracking a rib. Poor thing. If only I was there to give her the kiss of life. Still it sounds like she has had a cracking time, I just hope the others don't rib her too much over it!

David Beckham has opened his first academy in London, although no-one is quite sure if it is a football academy or a hair salon.

And finally in Scotland they are trialling new temperature sensitive road signs. I'm not sure what this means- perhaps when it starts to snow the signs start whinging and then go home due to being a little bit chilly

This is a quite detailed account of my morning

Monday 28th November
My alarm went off at 6:10am but I never get up at that time. It theen goes off again at 6:30 am but I never get up at that time. I eventually get out of bed at 6:39 am. I always think that getting up after 6:40 ia a little too late.
I did my ablutions and got dressed. I had a cup of tea (I never eat breakfast that early, I never have)
At 7:25 I leave for work. Sometimes I have to defrost the windscreen but not today because it wasn't that cold this morning. On the way to work I started to listen to the final part of the Dr Who story 'Singularity'.
There are some traffic lights put up as they are repairing the bridge, but it didn't cause that much of a delay this morning. I arrived at work at 7:55am.

to be continued...

So the Cannon has been fired. Meaning Tommy Cannon ha been voted out of the celebrity jungle. Celebrity Jungle sounds like a good term, it sounds like the place where all celebrities are kept (Or is that just wishful thinking?). Also in tonight's show, Monotony Costa started murdering some Tom Jones songs whilst smelly things were dumped on him.. a bit like top of the pops then. Judging by the singing I hope he doesnt have to make a living from it!
Kimberley Davies has been a bit of a let down. All she seems to do is pout and whinge. Still, she looks good.

We have just seen an advert for Housework Songs. My OH just said "I would hate to get that. Imagine if I got that great a CD for me to do the hoovering with! Not that you can hear a thing when you're hoovering!" Now where did I keep the receipt?

Oh well Cest La vie

or as the Birmingham rhapsody ends

Anyway the Pingu's

Loved Bohemian Rhapsody?
Then have a look at this Birmingham Rhapsody in picture form.

Cj

I have just found out my Superhero Identity

Your Superhero Identity For Today Is:

Name: Lightning Guy
Secret Identity: ????? ??????
Special Power: Mystical Chopsticks
Transportation: Quantum Minivan
Weapon: Psychotronic Bolt
Costume: Bulletproof Boots
Sidekick: Hop-a-long Cassie
Nemesis: Eric the Assassin
Tragic Flaw: Addicted to yogurt
Favorite Food: Chocolate

Check out yours here

So look Out Eric the Assassin, My Bulletproof Boots are polished and my mystical chopsticks are heading your way

This weekend I have seen the following films

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Plot: The Tri-Wizard tournament has come to Hogwarts. Harry’s name was unexpectedly pulled from the goblet of fire to be came a participant in the tournament and has to face a series of dangerous trials to become champion. But there is something more sinister at work; the death-eaters have started to move again, which can only mean one thing; Lord Voldemort is about to return.
My Thoughts: This is a very long film (2 and a half hours), especially in a cinema full of kids. However, even though it is long, it still feels a bit rushed; especially if you have read the book and remember all the things that didn’t make I into the film. But it is still a good family film, enough in it to keep you interested all the way through. There is a more human element to it also as the characters also have to face the prospect of dating and finding a partner for the Yule Ball. David Tennant makes a swift but welcome appearance as Barty Crouch Junior, and Miss Jones from Rising Damp also stars as the Giantess Maxime. One under used character in the film is Rita Skeeter (played by the brilliant Miranda Richardson) who I am sure had more of a role in the book.
Best Bit: The entrance of the pupils from the other schools. I wish I could get my pupils to act like those Beauxbaton girls! Also the graveyard scene is a touch scary, judging by the reaction of the kids in the cinema.
Rating: 8/10

Flight Plan
Plot: Kyle Pratt (Jodie Foster) has to take the body of her husband back to America for burial. On the plane her daughter goes missing. She then turns the plane upside down to look for her, putting the whole plane at risk. But the real question is, is there a dastardly plot to hijack the plane, or did the daughter really exist?
My thoughts: I enjoyed this film. For most of the film there was enough uncertainty to keep you thinking, was the daughter real or not? The down side to the film had to be the resolution. Obviously the writers wanted to make an exciting finish so they overlooked some tiny details, such as the plot not really making much sense. If you thought about it too hard you will end up thinking “How on earth did they get away with that” or “that wouldn’t happen”. The trick is not to think about it too hard. Sean Bean plays the airline captain and for once he is not the bad guy!
Best Bit: The way the first half of the film was done made you uncertain as to whether the little girl existed.
Rating ; 7/10

Saturday:

Firstly The X-Factor and at last the Corrnways sisters have gone. Voted out by their own mentor. Still it does mean Chico is still in. Oh joy Oh rapture

Secondly: Im a celebrity and after Cannon and Ball won them 9 stars worth of food, poor old Jenny Frost and Sheree 'Maggot Beard' Murphy were thrown in the jungle jail for not controlling the campers enough.

Had a lovely day out, went to the cinema and had a lovely dinner. Spent the evening in toasting ourselves by the fire and Watching all sorts of TV Cola (Not even Coca-Cola more like Panda Cola)

Cold Watch: I now have chapped lips

Liverpool watch: Slowly climbng up the table, now at number 7 after a 1-0 win against Manchester City

I just thought I would mention that today is our Anniversary. We have been married 11 years today

:D

I'm a little bit annoyed with myself at the moment. At the end of Last week I applied for a job. I filled in the application form and all sorts of forms that went with it, stuck a first class stamp on it and posted it. It had plenty of time to get there. Now the envelope felt quite heavy but i had posted application forms before and have not had problems with it reaching the destination. This morning I received a letter telling me that due to lack of postage the application had arrived late and I could not be considered for the position. How annoying is that! If only I had stuck another stamp on it!
Cold Watch: I am the runny nose and coughing up little bits of phlegm stage

I see that Bookmakers have started opening the betting for Christmas number 1. Here is the list:
01 "X-Factor" winner - title tba (2/5)
02 Nizlopi "JCB Song" (9/2)
03 Westlife/Diana Ross "When You Tell Me..." (9/1)
04 Girls Aloud "See the Day" (25/1)
05 Keedie + England Cricket Team "Jerusalem" (10/1)
06 McFly "Ultraviolet / Ballad of Paul K" (50/1)
07 The Choirboys "Tears In Heaven" (12/1)
08 Robbie Williams "Advertising Space" (20/1)
09 Mariah Carey "Don't Forget About Us" (50/1)
10 Crazy Frog "Jingle Bells" (20/1)

I know I am old but Who the hell is Nizlopi? I have never heard of her. Unsurprisingly the X-Factor winner is top of the list. So Perhaps Christmas Time will be Chico Time.

And now heres a picture of Sheree murphy with a rather nifty little maggot goatee

Tonights Im a celebrity has ended and it seems that Bobby Ball is not making himself popular. His 'leadrship' style was grating on a few. "I cant cook because I have a bad neck"
Antony came across worst though especially during his task. I know that sawing through the tree was tough, but he was a bit of a spoilt wuss about it, even Carol Thatcher showed him up (Although she certainly has the Thatcher Grit about her- and thats not rhyming slang)
But Sid is still making me smile the most. Especially when he couldn't remember saying the quote that was the answer to the chest question.

Quote of the day:

Carol Thatcher "I've lost my lumberjack virginity"

This was the week that was: Here are a few things that have interested me this week.

There are a couple of Australians in my class at the moment who are here as an exchange for a few weeks. They were chatting away very excitedly this afternoon because they had seen their first ever squirrel!
I saw my first ever wild deer grazing at the side of the road home from Tunbridge Wells yesterday. That was amazing.
There has been NO snow here and all the kids are very disappointed. Some of the classroomas were very cold today- 15 degrees, which I believe is too cold to work in according to some union regulation. We complained and got the heating turned up and it rose to 19 degrees. (Apparently the law says the minimum temperature is 17, and I am sure someone here in blogland can confirm)- It's certainly Arctic monkeys weather (See what I did there?)
On Thursday a boy band came to our school to get photographed for an album cover (Unfortunatley I am not allowed to reveal the details) If the picture is used they may donate a 'studio' for the school.
Talking of Boy Bands, Take That are doing a reunion tour! I hope when they break up again I dont have to deal with suicidal kids again!
The parent of a pupil is also going to be on TV tonight. So I may tune it to watch that later

Bye for now

Cj

I have caught up on Yesterdays Episodes of Im a celebrity...
Well done to Carol Thatcher and Jilly Goolden who scored eight stars after having to eat some of the most gross things, including the Kangaroo's testicles and penis- Carol had the balls whilst Jilly had dick. Other yuck things include; The huge fish eye, a cockroach, the wichetee grub and some meal worms. Good on Jilly for commenting on them a la 'Food and Drink'
And there were more Balls around as the 'Eighties Comedy Legends' Cannon and Ball arrived in camp. Sheree 'I love my Harry' Kewell-Murphy had to do a live task by putting several body part into tanks of rats/spiders/eels/etc to retrieve stars. I feel sorry for her because she was having a good rummage around but still couldnt find the stars in some cases. Lucky she didn't have to put her hand in a tank full of Rummages, eh Jojo?

No celebrity Jungle for me tonight, although I have recorded it. I decided to take a trip into Tunbridge Wells and Make the most of late night shopping. I spent ages walking around the shops looking at items that I am going to find chepaer on the internet. I hardly bought a thing. And I got caught in a sudden hail storm- those little pellets of ice dont half hurt!
I was in HMV buying the Arctic Monkeys single when I thought to myself "What ever happened to Our Price records?" I used to love Our Price when I was a kid. What other shops do people miss from their Yoof?

Cold update: I've still got it.

Why is it that I can think of loads of things to Blog about when during the day, but when I come to type it all, I go....... what was I saying?

"I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
I don't know if your looking for romance or...
I don't know what you're looking for
Well I bet that you look good on the dancefloor
Dancing to electro-pop like a robot from 1984
From 1984!"

Poor old Kimberley, pushing her way through spider infested webs, breaking open ants nest and wimping out before getting to the 'dark' areas. I dont blame her I wouldnt like it. Still Dec looked happy when he had to wipe her down. (Jealous? Moi?)
I'm glad the public didnt choose Shereeeee for the bush tucker trial, as that would just involve squealing and no action. At least with Carol and Jilly, they might get some down them! I remember how good Jenny Bond was a few years back. It takes a strong woman with a strong stomach to do the bush tucker trial!
Sid is still making me laugh though.

Spurred on by Graemephillipsuk blog about Morris Minor and the Majors' Stutter rap, I thought I would post the lyrics to 'this is the chorus' I found it on the web!

This is a disco hit
And writing four every week is our own kind of thing
Though they may
Be
Shhhhhure to get you dancing
You don't seem to mind if they all sound the same
Well we don't care what the words are about
If the beat is right then our success will grow
And on and on we keep churning them out
'cause we put the S in 'hits' you know

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

We meet up, each day
And write dozens of songs until 'Neighbours' begins
See that girl, we could be producing
(Kylie voice) We should be so lucky
That's all she sings

Call us derivative, you may be right
People who rate us they're bizarre (unclear lyric)
But you can't argue (unclear lyric) the songs that we write
Are as original as Andrew Lloyd Webber's are

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

(Mel and Kim voice) F-L-M
Fun, love and monotony

This isn't the chorus
It's coming up soon though

We don't care if a girl sings our lines
Just as long as she is delectable
And you may say our success is a crime
But it ain't never gonna be detectable, detectable

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

This is the key change
This is the key change
It's a standard device to stop us sounding mundane
This is the key change
Our fabulous key change
And now we've done it once so we won't do it again

And this is the chorus
This is the chorus
It goes around and around and gets into your brain
This is the chorus
Our fabulous chorus
And thirty seconds from now you're going to hear it again

(Kylie voice) And if you're lucky, lucky, lucky
You won't hear it again

(pause)

And this is the chorus...

Sitting by the fire listening to the new Will young album is very relaxing, althought I am sure that fire isn't as hot as it used to be! The new album is good, but I think Fridays Child could never be bettered.
Favourite tracks on the new album; Switch it on- love the way it builds up throughout the track; All time love- very mellow and a great ballad; Save yourself another slowie but with a strong melody- I am sure I have heard it before.

Other Albums I ahve bought recently are Kaiser Chiefs and Franz Ferdinand (upon reccomendation)
The Kaiser Chiefs album is good, and I love the 'I predict a riot' track. As for Franz Ferdinand, well its growing on me...

Is it just me or is it getting colder?
Some of the pupils are getting excited at the prospect of snow and therefore not being able to get in. When I was a kid my mum made me go to school in every weather! "Ok so there is a little bit of flooding, but you can swim can't you"
The chilly air is making cough a lot, which is very irritating

It looks like poor Louis Walsh has had a hissy fit and quit the X-Factor. (Did I hear some cynic say 'publicty') He feels picked on because wittle Shawon Thwew some water over wittle Wouis.
I bet he'll be there on Saturday though

I have just bought the new Will Young album so I'm going to listen to that now

More Celebrity Jungle fun and I have to say Sid Owen is making me laugh the most. On his description of what 'Kangaroo Court'may be about he said "I think it's something to do with Kangaroos"
And then when the celebs were told not to urinate in the camp, Sid ended up worried in case he was urinating in his sleep! Ahh bless

The Kangaroo task was difficult, so I'm not surprised the long haired lover didnt get more than five. I am sure that it will come as no surprise that I am looking forward to tomorrows challenge. Aaah kimberley!

And Elaine appears to be slumming it in that five star hotel. She wont be returning but will we get a replacement? Perhaps Cannon and Ball are on standby? We can but worry.

What I have been doing today
1) Trying not to lose my voice. I hate this cold; it seems to be going on forever. I'm at the sore throat- cough every time i draw in breath-hoarse and sexy voice stage
2) Flashing in the trees. Perhaps I had better explain myself. I have been running a code breakers club and today we were practising the morse code out in the dark with torches. Muddy but fun
3) Drinking wine. Red Wine. So reeeelaxing, especially whilst plonked on a cushion in front of the open fire and cuddling a loved one.
4) Ebay Wars: Haha I have just bid for something on ebay in the last minute and won it. I have now got that smug feeling.

Life isnt that bad.

Cheers everyone and enjoy Tuesday night. Or as Tiny Tim said in A Christmas Carol, "Oh Bugger, Uncle Scrooge is coming"

Cj

And now I have finished watching I'm a celebrity. The good thing about watching a recording of ITV is that you can fast forward all the adverts, which is a blessing especially just before christmas.

I enjoyed watching The Thatch try driving over that ravine. I hate heights and I would have been packing it! definietly a brown trouser moment. As for everyone else, it was quite uneventful. I think Jilly and Carol would be a nightmare to,live with in that camp. Little jimmy osmaond got a tick (eurgh) David Dickinson checked but I think he has more problems with woodworm. Anyway, the ticks wouldnt be able to penetrate the leather upholstery.

So that was the taming of the shrew! My god they really got a very shrew like woman. I did enjoy it and I cant imagine how a woman a small as her would ever give birth to triplets! But can someone explain to my why she didnt dump him at the altar?

It reminds me of another of my favourite films "10 things I hate about you" with the very lovely Julia Styles. Here is the poem from that film

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you’re not around,
And the fact that you didn’t call
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close…
Not even a little bit…
Not even at all.

Oh what a to-do. Tis the taming of the shrew on BBC 1 and I'm a celebrity on ITV. (It doesnt happen often that I fancy something on both sides). Oh I can record one of them. well then, that was much ado about nothing after all.:D

I have just finished watching the first episode of IACGMOOH. And here are my thoughts:

The celebrities
David dickinson: Old Pinocchio himself, I might not be able to distinguish him from the trees. Hes not my favourite person.
Sid Owen: A soap star who I havent see do anything since. I suppose a bit of eye candy for the girls
Anthony Costa: Some singer from Blue. Yawn.
Jenny frost: I actually dont know who she is
Kimberlay Davies: A bit of a babe. Yum
Jilly Goolden: I liked her on the food guide show. I suppose she is this series 'Jenny Bond' we'll see
Carol Thatcher: I bet she will cause a stir with her views at some point. And to be honest there has been enough of a view of her already!
Elaine Lordan: Ex Slater. Another soap star followed by contoversy.
Sheree murphy. Another soap star but with the aaah factor
Jimmy Osmond: Why is her here?

I did feel sorry for Elaine Lordan dropping out, but had she stayed in the camp you know the bastard that is the british public would have chosen her for the bush tucker trial.
Kimberley was a trooper crossing that high wire
Poor sheree (Aaah) didnt want to jump out of the plane, but at least she gave it a go.
Sid and David were like Laurel and Hardy on that Trial going up and down the tree- very funny. I'm not sure how anyone could have got all ten stars in the time limit though.

And Carol Thatcher... Eew! Talk about pissing on your own doorstep. Wouldnt that stink?

Well I am now officially in the mood for some hot action... in the jungle. After a difficult decision of whether to watch Bill and Teds Bogus Journey ( God gave rock and roll to you) I decided to watch the Paul Burrell Documentary in ITV2.
I say documentary in its loosest term- after all it was no David Attenborough. But it reminded me of some of the fun things that went on last year; Natalie Aplleton "I touched a tree" Jordan and her juicy fish wife er eye. And Burrell at his camp best. Boy did he scream at everything.

And it less than an hour for the next one to start. AndI am really looking forward to it. They say its gonna be the worst one yet!